Proud to be a Soldiers Girl

2006-03-15T09:19:00.000-08:00

So leave is over and the first few days were hard but I think I'm already starting to get back into the swing of things....which is a relief. I can't wait for our pictures to come in. I am SOOOO anxious to see them! And in other good news, I AM GETTING MARRIED! Whoo Hoo!

2006-03-11T14:50:00.000-08:00

I really want just one more kiss and one more hug..... Can't wait for these first few days to pass and that I can get back into my old 'rut'. The first few days are always the worst and this time was harder than the others for some reason. I didn't think I'd miss him so much already considering it was only a few hours ago that I took him to the airport, but I do! I miss him terribly and I want nothing more than for him to be here with me right now...guess it sounds like a pity party night for Samantha....

2006-02-28T10:10:00.000-08:00

Not going to type to much but I will say that so far since Dan has been home has been a rollercoaster of emotions....he and I are fine but other stuff has been piled on to Dan's plate and the first few days he was alright but I think that now it is starting to take a toll on him....It's kinda a personal family issue but just wanted to ask if all those of you who might come across this-- if you could please keep his family and ecspecially him in your thoughts and prayers--- in hoping that everything will get easier for all of them and that in the end, everything will be ok.....even if that seems impossible right now. Thanks in advance....it means a lot to me.

2006-02-23T05:47:00.000-08:00

I am one happy happy girl over here right now!!!

I have to be at the airport by 9:30 to pick a certain someone up! Yeay! Yeay! Yeay!

2006-02-18T11:50:00.000-08:00

For those of you who actually read this-- Just thought I'd let you know that I finally added some more of my entries from my Xanga on to here. I have my first Xanga entry, dated 7/31/05 as the first one I added today and then I added through 9/12/2005. One of these days I'll get them all on here. Those are kinda interesting since it has the days leading up to my soldier leaving and then about a month after he left. So I had a lot to write about. Not to mention that Hurricane Katrina also happened in this time and my soldier was only about an hour north of Gulfport, MS since he was near Hattiesburg. And in the days leading up to Katrina after he had first arrived at Camp Shelby, he was saying how the coast of MS would be a cool place to visit sometime becasue it was pretty.....when he came home for his 8 day leave in oct/Nov, he said that it was depressing to see the coast. Too bad. But still, maybe one day I'll see it.

So thats about all i've got to say today. Oh wait one more thing-- Dan is going to be home this week! I am so excitied I can't really think about anything else!

2006-02-16T18:35:00.000-08:00

So Today was my birthday. Nothing too eventful. Yesterday I had a root canal and was in so much pain. The pain killers I took had me sleeping like a baby by 7pm. TOday I Woke up late after missing my classes and then tonight my parents took me out to dinner. It was crappy outside so we didn't do a usual birthday at one of our resturants in Illinois so we drove North into Racine instead. We went to Olive Garden. It's been so long since I've been to Olive Garden and it was pretty good too! Nothing too eventful-- its just another year. But its still my birthday! But I am more excited about the fact that in a week, I am going to be in the arms of my sweetheart again!!!!! Yeay! I can't wait!!!!

2006-02-07T12:17:00.000-08:00

Well i woke up this morning,
a rainbow filled the sky
Well I woke up this morning,
a rainbow filled the sky
Well that was God tellin' me,
Everything's gonna be alright
--Jack Johnson--
---"Rainbow"---

My favorite song--- and this morning it was real. Kinda cool how those things happen, don't you think? This morning at about 7:30 I was on my way to class and it was pretty sunny out. As I'm driving I noticed a part of a rainbow in the sky. I took off my sunglasses and I couldn't see it so I put them back on and as I drove East it seemed to get bigger from the clouds breaking away. Well anyways when I too off my sunglasses the second time, I could see it so I know my mind wasn't playing tricks on me. It didn't rain last night instead its been bitterly cold and so it was somewhat strange to see a rainbow in the sky. And last night, around 6pm when I got home from being out with my mom the stars were bright and shining. I have this thing for the sky. Maybe one day I'll take the time to learn about what I am looking at so that I can point out more than both the little dipper and the big dipper. But for now I just enjoy staring up. I love sunroofs and drives in the country--- everything is perfect when I'm staring up into the endless sky! My one goal in life is to see the Northern Lights. I'm hoping this spring or summer I'll be able to catch a glimpse of them somehow but I think I may wait until my soldier comes home so he can see them too-- but he's not into all that stuff. I hope that if he were to see it, he'd think otherwise but if he doesn't its no big deal. I just don't know how you can't look up at the sky sometimes and not say 'wow'!

The Hardest Thing....

2006-02-06T13:18:00.000-08:00

Ok. So last week I got a few packages from Dan- One of them I can't open until he comes home. And let me tell you, thats easier said than done. I never thought I'd get so crazy about this. Its driving me nuts! All I want to do is take a little peek. I even hid it but I keep going to check and see if its still there for some reason. I don't know how much longer I can take it....I just really really hope I make it till he comes home becasue I don't want him to get upset if I peek.So, Come on last week of February!!! Hurry Up! Get here faster!

Soldier Update

2006-02-03T22:51:00.000-08:00

So I realized that I don't talk about my soldier much but I guess thats because there isn't always a whole lot to talk about....well right now there is.

He's been sick ever since they first arrived in Mississippi and its gotten worse. Its a food allergy and they finally figured out a few weeks ago that the food is eggs. Which is odd becuase he never had problems before. I'm thinking that maybe its possible that the flu shot is what aggravated or worsened the allergy but no one really knows.

In the last few weeks its been tough for him. It sounds like his medic is doing all the right stuff as are the docs at his camp. But there is only so much they can do and its kinda tough to control an allergy to eggs while in the military. I feel so bad for him though. It's gotten so bad that in teh last week they have issued him an epipen. I know I made some mention of this in my post from yesterday but I talked to him more about it today.

Obviously he knows something is seriously wrong but he doesn't want to be sent home. They kinda told him that if he has one more reaction in the next 1-2 weeks, he's going home. He knows that they have no choice and thats just what will happen but he really isn't happy about it. I am putting together a binder of all the stuff to look out for and also what can be used as a substitute for the eggs. This is mainly for my personal use so that i don't give him something that will make him sick and I would rather keep foods that he can't have OUT of the apartment so that he doesn't accidently eat it--- but I asked him if he'd like some info so I am sending him a bunch of stuff too so that he can have it as well.

I really don't know how either of us would handle it if he got sent home but I guess we'll worry about that when and if the time comes that we have too. I am also almost wondering if there is something else wrong that looks like an allergy but isn't. He said as far as he knows, in all the tests and bloodwork they've done, they have ONLY looked for allergies and not other potential problems. I just am having a hard time grasping the fact that a grown 25 year old man is suddenly diagnosed with an allergy that is usually found in infants who grow out of it by the age of 5 -- and also the fact that he has NEVER had any problems in the past with eggs. I guess it happens-- and I should probably just accept it and stop wondering 'how' becasue I'll never know.....I just hope he stops having these reactions so that he can continue doing what he is enjoying for the remainder of his time......

So not much more than that is going on. Hopefully they will figure something out soon.

2006-02-02T22:14:00.000-08:00

I tried to post MUCH earlier but for some reason it didn't want to work--- oh well.

Today was the first day of classes and all three of my classes met for the ENTIRE time- it's my senior year-- all my classes are all seniors, aren't we supposed to have it easy? Anyways on my way home from my night class it was foggy. It wasn't so foggy that you could not see but instead it was the kind of fog where every light had that angelic glow...including the moon and I love it when its like that outside but it was REALLY cold and I like when its like that but its not freezing.

Also today I realized that while I live in a town of 100,000 people, I live in teh middle of no where. I swear, I am trying to figure out a way to video tape my driving around one day. They are starting to build up the area so there are farms- and then random brand new developments (but small) and then horses and no stores or anything. I never really thought about it until today either. Most the houses are going up closer to where my parents live in Pleasant Prarie (or the south end of town) I live on the far north side of town and I love it. While I am closer to a McDonalds than my parents are, I am still in bumble. No joke, if you drive just a block or two south east of me you've got EVERYTHING (almost) but if you drive 1 block north of me (ecspecially NW) there is nothing.....and I LOVE it. But today I Realized ti was a pain. my dad gave me a Shell Gas Station Card since my I have been lacking the funds to 'feed' my jeep (I miss that Civic I gave up my Freshman year in college because I wanted something bigger)-- but anyways; I had to go get gas and not until my ride home (with starbucks in hand since I was out that way) on my way home I realized that I was drivig through so many different things -- a new development going up, an airport, a business park, farm houses, mobile homes, and field after fiel (some filled with horses, some not) and then I also looked and noticed that I had driven 13 miles. I forget living in the suburbs you have one of EVERYTHING at every corner so theres always plenty to choose from-- Well this area doesn't have many Shell Stations. We've got BP's a plenty and Speedway, and citgos, and qwik trip (sp?) and some mobils and some marathons and of course several 'mom and pop' type gas stations--- but the Shell's are few adn far between. But I didn't mind. I find it to be a relaxing and refreshing drive...and I also have to mention that when I got to the shell (near the interstate), I had access to LOTS of stuff. Like Starbucks. Now our difference from the suburbs--- in 'town' we have 1 starbucks.....the one i went to is on the interstate.....and then there is one on my tiny campus but their hours are weird adn they don't take charge card---- and remember, there are 100,000 people and we are also often considered part of the Chicago Metropolitan Area but I would have to disagree. I love how a town of 100,000 feels like a town of 1,000 and is so FAR off from being where I grew up but like I said, there are times I miss the 'convience' the suburbs offered.

An example: Hours of Operation.

I swear-- at 10pm the city shuts down. All our walgreens (except the one not far from my parents) and all oru grocery stores and all our gas stations close around 10pm and there is never anyone on the roads (busy at the bars, LOL). I guess there truly is no reason to be out that late but what if you have an emergency? At this time, when everythign closes, the street lights change as well. I actualyl really like that and think IL should think about following that system in certain situations.

Well I don't know what the point of this post was but I guess I wanted to say that its amazing how these two places (not to far apart) are like 'night and day'. I like where I'm at, I enjoy the fields and the farms down the street. Its a nice relief. I also like that there is hardly traffic. What I Don't like is the smell from the cabbage fields west of me during the fall. Yuck!

OOOOOHHHH! I had to add this in--- the new Jack Johnson CD (the Curious George Soundtrack) supposedly coems out the 7th and I pre-ordered my copy. I can't wait for that to get here!!! Also, today, someting I lost that meant a lot to me came in the mail--- its a pin that I lost right after Dan left and I have been driving myself crazy about it but I couldnt bring myself to pay more money for the shipping then I would for the pin-- but my special somone ordered it for me the other night when we were talking I guess....I'm so happy!

Time for bed!

--S

Germany?!?!

2006-02-01T22:41:00.000-08:00

So I talked to my soldier again tonight--- and he was saying how they gave him an epipen and he doesn't like the idea of injecting himself with needles but I told him that if the situation arises where he needs to use it-- the last thing that is going to be on his mind is the pain of the needle. They reccomended he see an allergist while he is home from leave. Ok, makes complete sense. Well tonight he tells me that now they are talking about sending him to Germany for 3 days to see an allergist and find out whats happening. I understand that they would do that because there is no allergist in Kuwait but he's coming home for R&R in less than a month-- they can't wait?!?!? He said its so he doesn't have to worry about it while he's home on leave but something just doesn't seem right to me. Who knows though.

I just wish they would find out EXACTALLY whats wrong with him and what he is allergic too because as of now its egg whites but obviously thats not the case right now. And I wanted to bake all sorts of stuff for when he comes home. I have all the stuff to make brownies and cookies but have just had no one to bake them for! I mean, I could have made them for myself but then I would eat them all myself. But I am not going to make anything until I know what I can or cannot put inside of it. I made my dad sick once years ago from stir fry (he's had Crohn's Disease since he was a child and well if your familiar with it you know that vegtables eaten in large amounts and eaten too fast don't mix well). Well after I made him sick (even though technically the way he ate it made him sick so it wasn't my fault) -- but I now am so careful because I felt so horrible. Ecspecially when I was the only one to drive him to the hospital in the middle of the night and we were on the highway and he kept telling me to slow down (he collects and drives muscle cars). Yeah-- I don't want to make Dan sick......so I will just wait and I know I'll probably be waiting a LONG time.

But because of all this we haven't talked much lately because he's been tired and cranky from all the meds they are giving him..... I start up my spring semester tomorrow....8am class, fun. At least my day is over by 1 and I schedueled it so I only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays (adn a Thursday night). I also have an internship and so I am hoping I can do those hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays as well. I'm just really not in the mood to start classes back up (except for my two week winter term, we've been off since the 2nd week in December). I think the break was too long.... But at least I'll have time to finish his valentines day gift if I ever decide what exatally I want to do with all the things I need to 'put together'. Hopefully I'll finish it in time for him to get it by Valentines Day.....

Ok thats enough for tonight.
Until next time.

2006-02-01T12:36:00.000-08:00

Nothing special. Just needed to say----
My soldier will be home THIS MONTH for R and R! Whoo Hoo! I can say 'this month'.

Too bad he's still kinda sick. They need to figure out whats wrong with him. It was a relief when he told me last week that it was an egg allergy but then he tells me that it's something else becuase he had another reaction yesterday and all the bloodwork showed was the eggs. Oh Well.

last night I told him he should see a doc when he's home and he said 'no'. Well I said this because yesteraday when he was talking to me he told me his medic asked the doc about an epipen and the doc said if you need one of those, you need to get sent home and he said 'pass' because it hasn't gotten that bad yet but they are get progressivley worse....well today he went and got an opinion of another doc there and they issued him an epipen and said that he should see a doc when he comes home-- of course he doesn't listen to me but he listens to the doctor. Typical man. LOL!

Well hopefully they will find it out so that he doesn't have to keep going to get medical attention out there.

But no matter what, I am still gonna see him THIS MONTH. How exciting is that?!?!

Realized What I want in Life tonight!

2006-01-31T18:51:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I bought one of those build your own life story books because I have had a somewhat fascinating childhood and young adulthood however I have experienced so much that I never know where to start so I was hoping that this would help guide my thoughts. Much of it is geared towards an adult--- who has already lived through parenthood and such but I figure it can be something I hang on to and use throughout life so I am not rushing to fill it out. Occasionally I've opened it and I will find a question or two that I can answer thoughtfully and so I do it. But today it was asking about Kindergarten and our best memory. I wrote down my best memory and then as I Was writing I realized something:

I want to be a teacher.

It's a little late now. I am so burnt out with school that I don't want to go to school anymore-- but maybe once I graduate and take a few years off I will be able to go back. Throughout life everyone has always told me I'd make a good teacher and I've always fought against that and since I used to really despise of school, the thought of being a teacher was absurd. But all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now I don't know what to think and what to feel becuase I think I just really confused myself. Maybe one of these days I'll figure things out.

I know that I really want to be able to stay at home with my children when I decide to start a family but if I can't, I can't and I understand that-- Only time will tell in that situation... but since that realization hit me a few minutes ago, its like I can process things totally different and my headache has weekend (which might be the tylenol I took a little bit ago since I had a few teeth worked on today).

So I guess thats about it for tonight. Time to go back to finishing watching the state of the union. I already have lots of thoughts and opinions on that but I'll save those either for another time or for my own thoughts to avoid a debate because I have a feeling if I start talking about it, I'll get comments that will send me on a rampage and quite frankly, I'm not in the mood.

On a good note though--- capitol police arrested Cindy Sheehan. I understand she's upset. She lost her son. Anyone who loses anyone they love is hurt and angry. And yes, people look for someone to blame OFTEN in these kind of situations-- but I think she went a little too far.

By the way---
In about 3 weeks he'll be home for R and R. I'm starting to get anxious and of course everytime I think about it I've got butterflies in my stomach! This is going to be a long month!!! Ecspecially because I have been missing him more than usual lately. He sent home my 'Valentines Day' CD today-- I can't wait to get it and see what songs he put on it. I guess I better start working on his little valentines day gift. Last year we had only been together about 1.5 months and neither of us really believe in Valentines Day but we were at the store and he knows my feelings on flowers (no flowers becasue flowers die and while there beautiful- they still 'end so I look at it like a symbol of a relationship in ways and I don't want my beautiful relationship to 'die' like the beautiful flowers, yes I am crazy).

Well last year we saw a stuffed rose- and of course he bought it for me and its hanging on our closet door in the bedroom. Then when he was just home in November between mobilization training and the middle east, he gave me a gold rose. So the two flowers I've recieved from him aren't going anywhere. Awwww....this year I asked him (yes I asked because Ive wanted one anyways) to make me a cd of songs that he thinks I should listen too whenever I'm missing him or thinking he doesn't 'love' me (long story that I'm not gonna start). To my surprise, he sent it home today! Usually he does everything a day late LOL! I'm just excited to get it!

Breaking Point

2006-01-30T13:27:00.000-08:00

Well nothing has been going on so honestly I have no REAL immediate reason to be feeling this way, but I do. I am just at a breaking point for some reason. Perfect timing too with classes starting back up on Wednesday and all, right? I'll probably write more later but just for now I'm gonna stay queit to spare those brave few who come across my blog from a ridiculously long post of nothing but my ramblings.

--s

2006-01-30T09:06:00.000-08:00

Well I was wondering when this was coming out and today I saw an add in a mag. Curious George (movie) comes out Feb 06. Thats so exciting. I don't care about the Movie but Jack Johnson did the whole sound track and I've been patiently waiting for it to come out just for that. Whoo Hoo!

2006-01-30T01:56:00.000-08:00

All I wanted to do was to post a quote and 'hello' on my xanga site and instead, this poured out:

"Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So, when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will."
--Sandra Bullock as 'Birdie' in Hope Floats

So things have kind of been 'eh' lately. I am really not looking forward to starting classes back up this week. I need to go register tomorrow and its the last thing I want to do. I'm so burnt out from school but I guess its only one year left.

I just really don't like where I go and I can't say that I'd be better off had I chosen somewhere else because I don't know what it would be like. I'm just sick of the bullshit. Sick of the snotty college kids who think they are invinsible--- it just annoys the hell out of me. I also hate the fact that I am a 'townie'. I have definetley adopted Wisconsin and more specificly, Kenosha as my 'home' since moving up here a year and a half ago. It was nice, all those snotty people could have their lives: Always in a rush and ALWAYS stuck in traffic. How backwards is that?!?!

Yeah but they seemed to follow--- or did I just find them? You know, since birds of a feather flock together, right? I just always hated the way people acted growing up and I was friends with all them but I couldn't stand the way they always thought they were the most important person on the face of this earth (and often the ONLY person on this earth). Well its been quiet since a week before Xmas here in Keno since its been 'J-Term' so most people are off campus and not here in town.

They are Back! The other day, in line at Walgreens, two guys one in a football hoodie from my college (go figure) and the other in sweats- and they were so obviously wasted it was pathetic. Not to mention watching them drive off and act like idiots in the parking lot on a friday after 5pm when EVERYONE is grocery shopping. And a lot of the people act like this from my school. It's sad. And you here people talk about 'us' like we are the devil --- you'll be in stores and here someone say 'oh its been quiet around here' or something like that and the usual response is, "Yeah- _____ is on break." I have total respect for the town that I consider my home and its horrible that whenever I wear a sweatshirt or something from my school, I feel like I am being judged and I also feel like I am a traitor of sorts (I know it sounds silly).

It's hard with that school being where it is. Kenosha is mainly a blue-collar city and its obvious just from driving from one side of town to the other. We have a good amount of people, almost 100,000, but yet it feels so much smaller than the suburb of 40,000, Buffalo Grove, IL, where I grew up.

Then there are 3 colleges here. My school, UW-Parkside, and Gateway (a tech school). Well my school is comprised mostly of students from white collar (upper middle class to upper class) families who don't know how to act in public. And many also don't have respect for anyone other than themselves or those 'like them'. I think its just sad. I mean I go to a GREAT school, don't get me wrong but sometimes I run into or see a kid that I just want to smack upside the head. But I doubt it would do anything.

Well that was totally an unexpected post. I didn't mean to rant and unfortunatley, I could keep going on this subject but it is 4 am and I think I should try to go to sleep.

Hope all is well!
-S

Wow-- now I think Im just a tad irritated and I don't know what set me off but I'm thinking its the two guys because that has seriously been pissing me off like no other. It's almost a direct reflection (of sorts) of me since he was 'representing' our school and it was extremley embarassing....nice to see their parents are paying 23,000+ a year for his college experience becuase I don't see him as being one to appreciate the educational side of college. I'm stopping now before I keep going.
--------------
and just to top it all off, I miss my soldier. But its yet another night of curling up in our bed by myself. I prefer the couch becuase its smaller. For some reason I have not 'drifted' on the bed and have kept to 'my side' for the most part and it sucks that its so big and empty......but at least in a few days I can say that I will be seeing my soldier "this month" --- got to find the positive in things, right?

Transplant Story-- Be a Donor

2006-01-28T10:41:00.000-08:00

Ok So TV is the topic of my post again today-- and it also is making me realize that I think I need to get off my rear and do something else but watch TV but I am usually doing something else while I Am watching TV, like last night I was sewing and I actually almost finished my project. I just can't decide what color topstitching to use....Anyways I watched the show NUMB3RS. I like that show. I started watching it last season casually and now I watch it more regularly becuase nothing else is really on at 9pm on Fridays.

Well the episode was about human trafficking for organs from a village in India and as scary as it sounds, I am sure it happens. But the ending was great! It was kind of too "Obvious" what the motive was but I think that they needed to be. What happened was that the officer came home to dinner and was late because he was at the DMV registering as an organ donor- and then the dad said he's already got the sticker and the other brother stated why he wasn't a donor but then ended up putting the sticker on anyways.

Now people know that Organ donation is important but I don't think you could possible know how much it is CRITICAL until you are personally affected by it. I proudly have my orange sticker on my WI liscense. I know that when I left IL they didn't have stickers and they probably still don't. But remember, even if your card says DONOR (like IL cards do if you agree) that DONOR means jack unless you SIGN the back....so if your a donor, make sure your signature and a witness is on the right lines please.

You'd be surprised at how lucky people are to recive an organ-- a matching organ. My mom was told years ago that she might never get a kidney and they were contemplating even putting her on the list because they were thinking that by the time one would be available, she wouldn't be too far along to go through with the operation. They put her on the list anyways at University of Chicago. And we were going through the process of getting her on the list at UW Madison (less people) when we got the phone call.

I can't exactaly remember how long she had been on the list but we were in shock on Saturday May 25, 2002 when my dad called with the news. I hadn't answered my cell phone because I had just run out to get my mom and me Starbucks as usual but today she wanted to go home after Dialyisis instead of come with me to get the coffee. She wanted to pick out clothes. May 25 is my parents wedding anniversary and we had 7pm dinner reservations at Wildfire for the family. And Wildfire sounds SOOOO good. Plus it was the first time in a long time my mom had actually felt GOOD!

First phone call came from my dad giving me the heads up- but he told me not to say anything to my mom becuase it was still unsure what was going on and he'd call when he had more news. A few minutes later the phone rings again, I look at the caller ID and it said University of Chicago Hospitals- I answered it (and my mom was already questioning me why my dad called) becuase I had to take her coffee away from her because they had instructed my dad to make sure she doesn't eat or drink anything and she wasn't too happy that I couldn't explain why I was taking away her drink.....

So I am talking to the person on the other line and she tells me whats going on and says she needs to ask a few question for the paperwork and everything -- She had to ask me when my mom's last dialysis was, how long it was for, what did they add, what did they take away, how were her last blood levels, etc....

A little background-
Earlier that year -- my birthday actually-- 2/16. My mom had a stroke that they still don't know how she ever woke up from. My dad and I were at a concert (my mom's favorite group) and she didn't feel good so she opted to stay home so when it was her favorite song playing we decided to call her. We were inside the united center so when a mans voice was on the other line, I hung up figuring my signal was getting crossed. I called again, the time I hear "This is the Si*** Residence, Buffalo Grove Fireman 'so and so' speaking."---- So I toss the phone over to my dad saying I think I called the fire department.

My dad talked to them for a minute and they said she was ok- just the usual, looked like she had a seizure but she was talking to them and sitting upright so they told us to just relax, enjoy the rest of the concert and then most likely by the time we get to the hospital, she'll be able to come home. As you can tell, this happened often, but NEVER when we weren't home but the Paramedics knew us, and knew the situation. I guess my mom had called 911 and told them that the dogs were in their crates, she pushed the table away from the couch, she unlocked the front door and side door, and she told them the garage code. She also told them that all her medications were out on the counter with her most recent dosage list right there with her insurance cards--- we knew the routine. She them told them she didn't feel right and she wasn't sure if she'd be conscious when they got there.

Now My mom, is EXTREMLEY stubborn so she must of sensed somethign TERRIBLEY wrong. Well at the next 'pause' in the concert, my dad called the hospital, and they told us that she is ok so enjoy the concert and come by afterwards- we decided to leave anyways since we didn't want to sit in the lot traffic following the show. By the time we got to the hospital, they brought us into one of those 'family' waiting rooms-- you know, the BAD NEWS room. They didn't explain anything to us but they sent the doc to bring us back- it had now been 4 hours since she got there by ambulance and she was STILL in the ER which is not a good sign. Before we got in, he explained that about an hour ago, things started to go south, quick. They were trying to get a ventilator in, but everytime anyone even touched her, she was seizing and they couldn't make it stop. We got in there and there were nurses sitting on her and they still had her stabilized becuase they just wanted to get the tube in because she wasn't breathing well and they wanted to move her and run some tests, but they couldn't.

Then he showed us this HUGE bump on her head. It was PURPLE and about the size of a baseball-- I guess she mangaed to muster out something about falling in the laundary room to the paramedics but to this day we don't know if the stroke caused the fall or the fall caused the stroke but they are thinking the first--- once they finally got her stabalized, she was brought in for a CAT scan. The entire right side of her brain was filled with blood. They repeated this every few hours and there were no improvements. The next morning (after no sleeping and after being at a concert) family started coming up to our private room at teh ICU. The doctors described the options to us and we needed to decided if we wanted to put a shunt in to help drain the blood. The docs explained it was VERY risky and it might not do anything- we decided against it. By this time, she was in a coma. After about 4 days of this, we were at home to shower and change (everything else was done at the hospital). They had sent us home that night telling us to discuss if we wanted to leave the ventilator or not. There was no change in her condition at all.

We decided not to because she had been fighting for so long and we knew she didn't want to be in pain anymore and she was sick of being sick. 330AM we get a phone call from the hospital- tellign us to get there IMMEDIATLEY! She was up. She woke up and YANKED her tube out and was very disoriented and confused. She didn't know who she was, where she was, and what was going on. For her own safety, they sedated her enough that she was out but that she would wake up soon so that when we got there we could see her. She didn't know who we were though. She only knew my dad. That was hard but we knew that its not her fault. Obviously she couldn't really speak well either but when they asked her to point to her husband, she pointed but she didn't know son or daughter or she didn't know us by name.

While they had her sedated, they did another CAT scan (the machine was in her room) and well the majority of the blood had receeded. The docs had NEVER seen that before and were in shock. So needless to say it was a LONG LONG LONG road to recovery and still today some days are better than other.

But on 5/25/02, she was having an abnormally good day.
My dad came flying in the door about an hour after the first phone call. I don't even want to think about how fast he drove home to make it in that time but thats not important. He had told me that nothing would happen for at least 6 hours and we had to wait for the phone call but when he came in the door, he demanded that everyone in those house get in a car and get to the hospital (in Chicago). Over at my house was my Boyfriend at the time, my old best friend John, and my other good friend Bobby. Brian (my ex) was there becuase he was always there. John was there because I needed computer paper but I wasn't allowed to leave and so he brought some over for me and he was also over all the time so no big deal- and then Bobby was there because he was over a lot also and I think we had all planned on doing somethign that day becasue it was nice out.....Well we all piled into my civic and we were on our way. My mom had a whole 'cheering' section there for her.

I told my dad before we left that we had to wait for a phone call and he said I can wait for the phone call and he'll see me at the hospital LOL! They had to do the final testing to make sure everything was a 'go' and when it was, it was such a relief. But there is also sadness at the same time becasue of the fact that someones life was lost.

My mom's kidney came from a twenty-something male in Indiana. He was killed in an accident by a drunk driver on his way home for the holiday weekend from college. We have never gotten to contact his family, but it is somethign that I would REALLY like to do and just don't know how. I know my mom wants to know as well but they won't give you the persons name until after the initial contact and we don't know how to make that initial contact.

But anyways--- an organ donor and his family saved my mom's life. My mom's transplant was teh first of 6 that weekend, all by the same doctors too. By the time sunday night rolled around we ran into the docs in the elevator and they looked like different people. They were so exahuasted. The surgeries take about 6 hours, so you can only imagine. In a way we were kind of relieved that she was the 'first' that weekend but we know they did fine for all of them. This is what they do.

It was memorial day weekend. They explained to us that holiday weekends are often busy becuase of car accidents. Sad to think about. It's just amazing because we had friends and family test to be possible matches for my mom and no one was quite right. I guess there was one thing she needed in a donor, that this man had and the chances of it are VERY rare. I want to say that she had not even been on the list a year and she was told that it could be about 8 years until she got a kidney but we all knew she didn't have that long.

When she woke up from surgery, she asked if we could still go to wildfire when she came home. She was upset that she missed her dinner that she was excited for but when the reality of what had happened kicked in, she was just in shock.

Well so there's my story--
It's possible that one day I may need a kidney as well and it is almost certain my brother will. But there is no need to worry about that until the time comes.

Bottom line is this---
Be a donor! The funny thing is,Earlier in the week I had gone and gotten a new lisence and state ID for some reason....May 24, 2002 I was looking at my ID and realized it needed to be signed. So I signed it and had my 'witnesses' sign it. And then the next day a donor was saving my mom's life.

Also the day my mom came home from the hospital, liscensce plates my dad had orderd as a surprise (weeks before the surgery) arrived at the house. They were the Walter Payton Organ Donor Plates. Her #--- 411. How crazy is that?

Crazy, isn't it?

2006-01-26T09:01:00.000-08:00

So I HATE going to the dentist. And when I say I hate it, I mean I HATE it. I hate it so bad that I don't go unless I absolutley can't stand it anymore and usually a considerate amount of pain has to be involved- and I have a pretty high pain tolerance too (ie: just got the tattoo on the top of my foot adn it didn't really hurt at all)...Well I think I might learn a lesson this time around. I just got back from the dentist.This is what I have to say about my trip to the dentist at 7:30AM:

So I went to the dentist this morning and they did a TON of xrays. The reason I was going is because I have been in a serious amount of pain and it is ultimatley my fault because I procrastinate. Well with the amount of work I need done and the dentists 'discount' plan-- I still could by a decent used car for the amount of work needing to be done but what can you do? Fortunatley for my dads sake, the time that my soldier is Home for R adn R I won't make any appointments so there will be a decent 'break' between things. Today they tried to clean me but decided that I really need to be numb so that they can do a 'deep clean' which is split into two sessions (each half of the mouth) and I will have one done before he comes home and one done afterwards.....

Then- Next Monday I register for Spring and Wednesday I start classes and now Tuesday I get to go to the Dentist. Only 9 cavities are going to be filled at that time <---I'm being sarcastic about the 'only'.

Then Feb 15 (about a week before my soldier comes home and the day before my birthday) I am having Root Canal Number 1 on my lower molar (the farthest one back-- Happy Birthday!!) and at that appointment I'll scheduel Root Canals 2 and 3 for AFTER his R and R.

So I have an EXCITING future in store for me in the next few months--- 3 Root Canals, 9 Cavities, and a Deep clean....but I guess it could be worse and I promise that I will be going to get cleanings ALL the time after this (i learned my lesson back in May when the first one broke and started to cause pain). I was also given the option of just pulling 2 of the 3 that need root canals and since they are the two bottom molars farthest back, I am considering it--- Its a price difference of more then 1,000 so I'd like to be able to give my dad a break. But he said that its possible my teeth will shift adn all the time/money/pain spent on braces a few years back will be gone-- so who knows. One of the root canals is right in front and I am NOT leaving that one to just be pulled.....

Oh and did I add that I have a pretty bad infection from the two destroyed molars??

On the bright side--- At least I'm no on the 'road to recovery' right? And they gave me a cute crest toothbrush with a 'fin' on it (i think its supposed to be a fish). LOL! Yep, I was told to use a childrens toothbrush --- at least its pink. And I bet my dad will tell you that the pink toothbrush I got was the most expensive toothbrush he's ever bought in his life.....LOL!

The Things I find

2006-01-26T01:06:00.000-08:00

Well I thought this was kind of cool so I wanted to post it. And it should go in my other blog but I felt like putting it here instead. Here is what my Birthday represents and all that good stuff:
----------------------
Birthday Calculator
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You entered: 2/16/1984

Your date of conception was on or about 26 May 1983 which was a Thursday.

You were born on a Thursday
under the astrological sign Aquarius.
Your Life path number is 4.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2445746.5.
The golden number for 1984 is 9.
The epact number for 1984 is 27.
The year 1984 was a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/2/1984 and ending 2/19/1985.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rat.

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 22 April 1984.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 7 March 1984.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 10 June 1984.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 17 June 1984.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Tuesday, 25 September 1984.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Sunday, 15 April 1984.

As of 1/26/2006 4:06:28 AM EST
You are 21 years old.
You are 263 months old.
You are 1,145 weeks old.
You are 8,015 days old.
You are 192,364 hours old.
You are 11,541,846 minutes old.
You are 692,510,788 seconds old.

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.13698630136986 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)

There are 21 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 22 candles.

Those 22 candles produce 22 BTUs,
or 5,544 calories of heat (that's only 5.5440 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.51 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1984 there were approximately 3.6 million births in the US.
In 1984 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.
In 1984 in the US there were 2,487,000 marriages (10.5%) and 1,155,000 divorces (4.9%)
In 1984 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

Your birthstone is Amethyst
The Mystical properties of Amethyst

Amethyst is used to increase spiritually

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Bloodstone, Onyx, Moonstone

Your birth tree is

Cedar, the Confidence

Of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes luxury, of good health not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, determined, impatient, wants to impress others, many talents, industrious, healthy, optimism, waiting for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

There are 333 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 346 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was full.

2006-01-23T13:12:00.000-08:00

So all day today I have been watching channels and shows that are not on my normal 'viewing scheduel' LOL. I'm someone who puts on a channel and leaves it on and doesn't pay much attention to it. It's 'background' noise. Well for some reason for the last few hours I have had on the channel Lifetime, which I honestly NEVER watch and right now Designing Women is on and I haven't seen the show in YEARS and its just funny that the one episode I watch is about how the Charlene (the blonde) wanted a soldier for her birthday and an airman came to their house for some design help and so on ... well she just had a 'dream' and it was set in the WWII era-- and she recieved a telegram that her soldier was MIA since his plane was shot down---- It just amazes me how lately when I accidently come across a show or something, it has to do with soldiers or wars. Or maybe its always been that way and now I am just noticing it more for obvious reasons. Well thats about all. I just felt the need to share that...

[update]
Ok so I am watching the end of the show and the way it ended seriously started to get the tears going. Just a few 'good' messages I guess...I think it is unbelievable how much events and ideas about one war can be so 'relevant' to this war and probably all wars really. I guess there are some things that really don't change much with time.

2006-01-21T20:22:00.000-08:00

OK.
This is starting to get REALLY bad.....
I have just been SO bored that I am going to go insane. And the problem is--- I have PLENTY of stuff to do. I just don't want to do it. I don't have the motivation and I just don't have the desire. Everytime I think of doing one of the things that I need to do or that I can do, I just would rather do nothing.....but yeah- I'm starting to drive myself crazy over here. I think this is my way of missing him. I am not sure though-- but that would make the most sense I think. I know to 'keep busy' but I don't want to keep busy everything I have to keep 'busy' is boring. If you were to look around my apartment you'd see my attention span--- the bed is half made (I started to change the sheets this morning and I'll finish before I go to bed- half the sheet is on the bed LITERALLY)--- Then my sewing machine is out on the floor and there is something in the sewing maching half way through a 'straight' stitch. I just got bored and stopped. Then over by my 'craft' table- my scrapbooking stuff is scattered. I started a page this morning---- then I started a second page. Then I have random books and random magazines opened that I started reading but for some reason stopped.

See, I am so bored. But I think I just might be really lazy too. Tomorrow is the ONLY mandatory Sunday at work. We have to do inventory. I need to be there at 9am and they claim it will only take an hour or two. Ha. Thats VERY funny. Nothing in that store only takes an hour or two. Will someone please tell me what I am still doing working in retail after I swore up and down that I never EVER would work retail again??? After Dan's leave I think I am going to be on the hunt for a new pt job. Hopefully receptionist or data entry or something. No more retail for me.

Now I am going to have some dinner (at 10:30pm)-- then probably finish the bed but still come back and probably start yet another project. Ok I'm done now. . . I need a solution to this laziness/boredom. Oh Well.

2006-01-20T16:09:00.000-08:00

You know its nice just beautiful outside when you are driving home and you know there are cars behind you because you can see their headlights and next thing you know you just see nothing. . . Yeah that was my drive home from work. It only took a half hour. And its only 2 or 3 miles. And I have 4WD too. But then again 4WD means nothing when you can't see. At least now I am home and I can watch the snow falling because it is really really beautiful (and that time I'm using the word seriously).

2006-01-19T15:07:00.000-08:00

So I got up and got ready for the day this morning as usual and I had planned on meeting my parents for lunch back in the Chicago Suburbs becasue my mom had a doctors appointment and I've been craving some Bob Chins. Well my dad called me up and asked me to meet him at this Japanese resturant in Kenosha instead. It was pretty good. The reason for the change was my mom had an appointment at 3pm to get a tattoo. Well she got her snake on her shoulder. Why I don't know why but she did! Now all she needs is a harley and a leather jacket LOL. I mean she could have gotten something more 'feminine' but its waht she wanted and she's happy. She got it on her shoulder. Well as we were waiting I of course started looking through the books with my dad (mr. anti-tattoo; he thinks they are cool but doesn't understand why anyone would ever get one and he almost killed me when I got my first one back when I was 18)---Well we found one for me and I just was looking to kill time honestly. Obviously I had no desire to get one and then my dad said ask how much and the guy said 60 so --- yep. You guessed it, someone got a new tattoo.

2006-01-17T09:39:00.000-08:00

So today I had to go pick up an 'unofficial transcript' for my soldier at his former high school. Fortunatley, I had a final this morning so I was done by 10:30 and that gave me plenty of time to go over there and pick it up. Now, I didn't go to this high school so of course he had to give me directions on how to get there and where to go once I am inside. I went to a very very very large high school and this high school is big, but its one building with one office (where my high school at a number of buildings and a number of offices) and also I had expected there to be people at the doors stopping kids from leaving but I guess only some high schools have crazy things like that. I should also mention that high school was far from a pleasant experience for me and so its taken a few days for me to talk myself into going to HIS high school--- how pathetic, right?!?! And again- if you see my profile pic you can see that I look like a 'child'.

Well I walk through the doors and of course I have GREAT timing. Passing period. So there I am dodging in and out people (no backpacks though which was something that you didn't see in my high school-- EVERYONE carried their bags). So I finally get myself through the group (the cafeteria and the office are perpendicular to one another and it seemed that it was also the beginning of a lunch period. Even more fun.

Anyways-
I make my way into the office and the lady at the front asked what I needed and I told her an unofficial transcript so she told me to go see _____ and she'd take care of me. She was on the phone but after a few moments she waved me to come in and ask me what I need. I told her I needed an 'Unofficial Transcript' and the reply "For What?" so I hand her the 'letter' he had written out for me to take with (which I had in his binder that has ALL of his stuff in it including a copy of his orders in case she needed that as well) -- She reads it and goes "Ok. Why don't you come back after school today with $3 and I will have it done around that time." I tell her that I have to go to work and was told that I don't have to go to work. She gives me a look and I knew what was coming next- "How, school is not over. Aren't you a student here?" And I know I look young but I was starting to get irritated with the way she was treating me (as if I was a student) and I say, "Um nope. I'm a senior in college" and her response to that was a partially snotty "oh". So no I am sorry or anything like that just "oh" and back to her phone call. Then when she's finished putting it all together she puts 3 fingers up asking me for the $3. I handed it to her and she just went back to chatting. I asked her if we're all set and she said yes and I said thanks and left the office and nothing from her- just back to her conversation.

Now its not that I'm upset that she thought I was younger than I am but that she didn't apologize when she learned different and just that she didn't give me much of the attention/respect that I think, as an adult, I deserved. I wasn't at all rude with her. I mean had she actually LOOKED at me she might of realized I wasn't a student considering I walked in with his binder (which could look like school stuff), my wallett in my hand (since I didn't feel like bringing in my purse), and of course I have my keys and my cell phone. If students at this school can't wear back packs or hats, I highly doubt they can carry a phone around openly. I even set it on the small table near her desk when I went to hand her the letter. GRRRRR!

Ok- Well thats enough ranting! I think it is appropriate at this moment that I quote a charechter of one of my favorite shows from childhood-- and so in the words of Michelle Tanner: "HOW RUDE!"

------
In other news----today is 5 months. And you know what that means?????
It means that there are only 13 to go <--- I'm not sure how I feel about that! But its one more month to 'scratch' from the calender so its a good thing. Not to mention my special someone gets to come home on R & R next month. Yeay! A little lopsided in terms of splitting up the deployment but still...Yeay!

4 Months and I'm being hit with a dose of Reality

2006-01-13T21:19:00.000-08:00

So my soldier has been really down lately--and I feel bad because I can't do anything and it is just so out of character. I know he's really bored and he's starting to do the "I wish I was North" talk which from what I've heard a lot of the soldiers stationed as permanent party in desert camps in Kuwait start doing after a few months and when there are no large rotations of troops since it seems they get pretty bored. He knows that there are plenty of guys North that would do like to be in their positions in Kuwait but he is just having too much time to think and he's bringing himself down.

It scared me because its only been since November that he has been in country and he'll have a break in a few weeks when he comes home for R and R. But then when he returns, he will be there for at least 9 more months with no break--- and if after only a 2 months, he is like this-- I don't even want to start imaging what its going to be like when he comes back from R and R. And then, I guess, there is a second part of this--- today he signed online and I asked why he wasn't at work and he said because he just found out he was going to the range for a few days. So I asked why and he said, because they need more guys for one job. When I asked why they need more of them, he mentioned something about the guys who are in the role now are really bored and so they are starting to cross train them so that they can rotate.

Now I only PARTIALLY believe that one because I don't know if I see the Army deciding to 'cross train' because soldiers are bored. And I also don't see why they would need more guys for this job, but who knows. Plus it is possible that this is all could just be what he is telling me and he might not be able to tell me what's really going on I asked him if he volunteered for the job and he said no but he did get good scores during their time on the range in Mississippi... So maybe that's why they picked him?!?! Ok so training for a new job while being stationed there isn't really a big deal.

What's a big deal is that about a week ago-- he said something about in March they were all losing their current jobs at the camp because of a somewhat practical reason. Again, not a big deal. When I asked what they were going to have them do he said that he had no clue and that it didn't seem like anyone really knew what they were going to do. Now-- they have him training to a job for a machine gunner?!?!? I've been ok so far because he has "only" been in Kuwait-- I guess I have just felt comfortable and felt like he was 'safe'. But now I am starting to think that they might have other plans in store for them but who knows---

So I am probably just over reacting.
And it is not like that wouldn't be a first for me.

Procrastination

2006-01-13T00:04:00.000-08:00

So I've discovered that today was another one of those days where I just PROCRASTINATED. Not good. Oh Well. When I get all of my Xanga entries up on here, you can see that on days where I had something to do (usually study for an exam) I would post a handful of entries.

Its 2am here and I've got an exam at 9am. I should be getting to sleep. I talked to my soldier tonight and he said that I have time to get the packet in. Thats such a relief! He also has yet again decided to take a break looking further at departments becuase he wants to be here and not there... but tomorrow, he'll probably be looking again at departments and yet he will also talk about re-enlisting. Everyday it changes. I think he is slightly bored and has way to much time to think so he's driving himself crazy. He's one of those people who has such a drive to succeed but he needs to have an enviorment in which he can have 'projects' to succeed at. Right now he's not getting that so he's burdened with an 'idle mind'. It just drives ME crazy that everyday it changes. I never know what to ask when I talk to him because I don't want to bring up a touchy subject....well theres only so much I can do and he just needs to cheer up sometimes-- and the last few days he's just seemed so down. I'm sure he'll come back up soon.

Anyways-

I really want it to be 2009 because I really want the new Dodge Challenger. I think they should make it in Panther Pink because that would just be ....well.... Wow! That car does LOTS for me. I'll take it in any color--- it just NEEDS to come out and I think money would help too....guess I better start saving. I wouldn't mind having a 2009 Challenger sitting next to my 1970 Challenger....now thats love. I think I would live in my garage (i guess spending money i don't have on cars -- cause I probably won't have the $100k+ I'll need for the 70-- is something that runs in the family- but can you blame us? There's just too many of them out there though and one day I'll also have my 57 vette. Maybe, just maybe me and my dad will stumble upon one at the next show or swap we go to that is in decent shape. Everytime we've seen one its been so beaten up and WAY to pricey and its been a few years of hunting now- I'm starting to think I need to give up on that one but I don't think I ever can. But don't worry--- I usually don't let my dad walk away from the venue empty handed. We are a dangerous pair! And unfortunatley my dad and I are finding it harder and harder to use our usual '$5,000' response when asked by my mom 'how much?' whenever a car would 'magically' appear on the driveway in the days following an event. . . Cars! Why can't they make them like they used to? Theres nothing like getting behind the wheel of a nice car where the engine is louder than the radio and the heat on your legs is at times unbearable but once you hit that gas and let the tires spin-- who cares?!? I ecspecially love pulling up to people and the look on their faces when they see a woman (or girl) behind the wheel. If you look at my pics, you'll see I look like I'm 12. I've gotten some interesting reactions. This summer my soldier was riding shot gun (for once I got him to hand back over the keys since whenever we would take out one of the cars, he somehow ALWAYS ended up in the drivers seat. Hmmm).

Well- we were out in the Challenger (yellow, 73 w/a 440 6-pack) and it was HOT out so we had the windows open -- and we were at a stoplight- and I had a civic pull up next to me and start reving its engine. Didn't even hear an intake -- just a melon shooter (large muffler) from what I could hear. And he ACTUALLY attempted to race. With my back tires just spinning, I literally SMOKED him. I think that kid has some serious 'car research' to do. Good times though! Good times. After that day a certain someone finally caved and after me driving 'balls to the walls' (how can you not, whats the point if you can't have some fun) he finally gave the car a good run. Still a little hesitant on the line but occasionally he'd just gun it and you'd see that ear to ear grin and you knew it was gonna be IMPOSSIBLE to get the keys away from him when we brought the car back. . .

Well I meant for this to be a really short post (yet again)

If anyone reading this works for Dodge (daimler chrysler) tell them to hurry up and release the car early. Otherwise I need to figure out a way to forget about it for a few years! Yeah, Right! Hopefully I'll get to go to first look for charity with my dad at the Chi Auto Show and then if thats the case, maybe I'll get my fix there.....or it will get worse. Only time will tell....

Goodnight. Good Morning. Good Luck to me on my exam since I'll be lacking on the sleep (as usual)

--S

2 minutes from a TV show= LOTS of frustration!!

2006-01-12T19:57:00.000-08:00

Ok- So I am a big ER fan. I have been watching it since the first time it was ever on television--- and I still watch it even though the ENTIRE show has changed. Well I hate 'relating' to characters because they are just that, characters. But tonight-- it was good until the end and now I'm pissed off at Neela. You know she stood by Gallant the entire time he was in Iraq and she handled it just like we all do, the best we possibly can considering the circumstances. Well when he got home a few episodes ago, they got married very suddenly. OK- no biggie. That happens a lot when our men return home.

Then, today, they visit his buddy (who is not in good shape mentally) at the VA hospital. When they leave he breaks it to her that he wants to go back and she doesn't want to hear it. She can only think it of him abandoning her because he made a vow to her when they got married and they got married to start a life together and now he wants to go back to Iraq. Well thank god she is not a real person because I think I might have to smack her back to reality.

And of course, we never want to hear our soldiers say they want to go back but sometimes they got to do what they got to do and she knew what she was marrying.....a Army Doctor. GEEESH!
And she said he doesn't love her. Well sorry sweetie-- but just because he wants to go back to Iraq it doesn't automatically mean that he doesn't love you! Yes he took a vow and made promises when you were married...But before you were married, before you even knew each other, he took a vow and made promises to his country and to fellow soldiers. I feel horrible for him because she is not supporting him and he probably thought she would. . . I mean she did with no HUGE problems like this last time.

What makes it worse is I am sure there are girlfriends/wives/fiance(e)'s out there that are actually like this....And it breaks my heart and makes me want to find that soldier and give him a hug. Yes, being in love with a soldier really sucks sometimes, but you have got to learn to suck it up, support them, carry yourself with honor, and beam with pride over the fact that you love one of the best. You love a soldier. You love a hero....

--S

2006-01-12T11:17:00.000-08:00

I think I am either ahead or behind a few months because there is no way that it is January in Wisconsin.

Currently -- it is 52 degrees and sunny and sunny can be! [UPDATE @ 4:45PM-- it was 56 degrees today. WOW! but its supposed to be a blizzard tonight so I guess it is January in WI-- all four seasons in one day. Typical! LOL!] I have my balcony door open and my heat turned all the way down. It's nice to finally get fresh air throughout the apartment again plus the sunshine is a nice change considering its been gray for so long around here. I could live with this weather (maybe 65 degrees) year round. That would be my 'ideal' climate- but I'd like it to not change all that much at night so that it is still comfortable outside not to lug around a coat.

So that's today so far. Not a bad day!

I feel bad though. I haven't had a chance to talk to my soldier and I need to go pick up an unofficial transcript for him from his high school to add to his 'background' packet. As a civilian he is a police officer and he is hoping to have a full time job lined up when he comes home and prior to deployment he was working so hard at finding one. Once they got word that they would be deployed, he kind of stopped looking for the time being but he still had applications out and well Adams County (here in WI) contacted him for the next step in the process and with him being deployed he wasn't going to continue with it but he got in touch with them and they told him to just submit a letter along with the packet explaining his situation-- I don't know if that is standard practice or a law but I think its really cool that they are continuing the process even with him out of country.

I wouldn't mind going there (even though I think its in the middle of no where but not sure). I know that both of us would be happy somewhere rural where we could get some land and build a house (he wants to build, I'd like to build but I also really have no preference over one or the other at this point in time). I also think that he would do better and would enjoy being a deputy more so than a city cop. Not really sure why I think that, but for some reason I do. And I am willing to relocate (almost anywhere) in the US that he wants to work but I'd really like to stay in WI. I've only been in WI for a year and a half and before that I was in IL. Yes-- born and raised in the Chicago Suburbs (north) and went to school for 2 years in central IL so I guess you could say I 'lived' there too.

I don't miss being in the suburbs at all (well the food is something I miss). Where we are now we are away from family but still close enough to meet for dinner and such and its perfect because I just drive to my parents and me and my dad drive to go eat or meet up with whoever since I live on the North end of town and my parents on the south (7 blocks from the lake--I miss that even though I go to class everyday and its on the lake). Well I'd like to be able to have the luxury of getting in my car and seeing family (even if it takes a few hours to get there) rather than having to hop a plane but I'll adjust and 'plant roots' where ever it is he can find work.

So I said I feel bad -- and this is why:
His packet needs to be in to Adams Co by Jan. 14-- Saturday. Well the packet that he put together for me to send, hasn't yet arrived from Kuwait. I still need to go get him his transcript but I was planning on doing it when I sent the package so that signatures and dates were timely but I am going to go get a transcript tomorrow just in case it comes Saturday....If he and I can figure something out about getting gas for my jeep, and the weather isn't bad, I Will run the packet up there myself if I have to (its over 3 hours away). I wrote him an email asking him if he should contact them by phone or by email and tell them what's going on to see if they would still accept it late. You never know and it doesn't hurt to ask. I felt bad because even though he still has up to a year left overseas, he is still trying and we were supposed to go to the Seattle area on his R & R to do some testing and check out some areas but now he can't really afford the trip so he's gone wait to start when he gets home but he's really stirred up over it. He brings it up everything we talk and then its like he gets mad at himself because he wants to go so bad.

It's just for a hotel, air, and a hotel-- we found around $1,500 as the cheapest and while he can take care of that no problem, its the food and other 'little' things ADDED to the cost that puts him over his budget. So we are just going to go to Door County for the 4 days we were going to go to Seattle and of course we'll have a great time-- but Seattle would have been nice and I know he's going to be thinking about it the entire time we are up North. I wish I could help out with the funds but I can't even support myself right now. I had to call my dad today and ask him to pick me up a book at Barnes and Noble for my class.....He said no problem so its a relief that is taken care of.

Well sorry for my ridiculously long posting. I didn't realize I had that much to say today. All I wanted to say was that it was sunny and nice out. Whoops!

--S

Quick Post

2006-01-11T20:18:00.000-08:00

Well obviously I just posted--
well it took me a minute to get my right contact out and about 15 minutes to get out the left one. Slowly getting better but progress is progress right?

And-- you might notice that I started bringing over my posts from my other journal. Once I am done I will probably wither change the font or format so that its easier to tell what comes from where but it won't really make a difference so nevermind that-- I'm starting to get sleepy so sorry for the thoughts not making sense. I wish I didn't have so much to transfer because I WILL do it and yet I can't believe how much I actually have written. So maybe one day I'll get it all done.

And I just opened up an email from my cousin and I usually don't open chain letters but she doesn't send them to often so I figured it was worth it. One of the last things written really stood out to me so I decided to share it with anyone (if there is even anyone) who reads my blog:

"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."

Current Happenings in a Nut Shell

2006-01-11T19:14:00.000-08:00

Ok so I haven't really been in much of a blogging mood lately but I'll work on that....And I think I am going to be coming to Blogger for good. I just like how its 'functional'. I just need to figure out if there is a way to backdate entries because I would really like to take my posts from Xanga and transfer them to here but if anything I'll just make ONE really plain boring Blogger account and link it in here and then I have them here in case someone is really bored and wants to read them.

So in other news-- my soldier sent me pics the other night. He looks good and I can't wait to see him for his R & R. It looks like we are going to be spending some time in Door County which even though its winter, will still be awesome. I'm excited we will get to cook again. Last time we made A LOT of food but we had so much fun doing it-- even though we sat at the grocery store arguing while thumbing through cooking magazines trying to figure out what kind of chicken we wanted to make-- once we made our decision, it was great (expensive but great)!

Also- I got contacts last Thursday! Yeah me! It's about time! I tried when I was 13 and when I was 16 and just failed miserably but this time I was pretty determined. I have to go in for my follow up on Saturday and I want to ask about the 30 day extended wear night and days. Anyone who knows anything about those, let me know. I'd really like something that I don't need to take out every night-- At this point in the week, if I'm awake (this morning was a little different) I can get them in on the first or second try (this morning I woke up late so it took a little while, whoops!). My biggest problem is getting them out. Last night I got them out in 15 minutes but before that it was taking me about an hour. Today after class though, my right one was bugging me and I got it out right away so I was happy. After I'm done posting I am going to take them out for the night-- hopefully its quick. I'd like to feel like I'm getting the hang of it.

Well that's kind of life in a nutshell right now. The sun finally came out today late in the afternoon. Maybe it will be out again tomorrow. That would be nice!

--S

Transfer from Xanga

2006-01-06T20:56:00.001-08:00

Friday, January 06, 2006

Haven't really heard from Dan in the last few days....I know he's alright but of course I'll still worry a bit because he has been sick on and off for the last few months. He's allergic to who knows what and finally they drew blood and are running tests. They did that the other day- hopefully he's doing ok.

Anyways- the contacts. So I can get them in!! It's getting them out I really don't like. It only took me 15minutes at home the day I got them to rip one trying to get it in. Tonight I got them in and out twice but I got really nauseaus and I think thats just because I didn't feel good. And I think I put them in the first times backwards so thats why i took them out right away and Im sure that didn't help my feeling sick at all. so i had them in about an hour tonight. Which means tomorrow I'll have to do the four hours....but I HATE taking them out. Oh Well....better get used to it, huh?

So I'm gonna go back to sleep. I've been nappign on and off all night. And it feels great! I have to do laundary (well finish laundary) sometime this weekend and also do some reading for my class which is going pretty good!

Hope everyone is doing well!!

2006-01-06T20:56:00.000-08:00

Friday, January 06, 2006

Transfered

2006-01-04T21:21:00.000-08:00

Didn't wake up until 6pm ish tonight.
Missed 2nd day of class.
Missed work 2nd time this week.
I NEVER sleep like that.
And from about 6pm to 9pm I had drank 6 full cans of pop.
Usually after a few hours Im not even half way through 1.
I think something might be wrong.
Don't know what though.
I am going to get contacts tomorrow. Wish me luck since I have tried 2 times in the past and failed miserabley but then again I was 14 and 16. Now I'm almost 22-- hopefully better luck!

I'm sleepy and thirsty.
I'll update later.

Transfered

2006-01-04T09:57:00.000-08:00

Wow. Someone really messed up. For the last few hours they've been leading everyone to believe that these people were alive and now news is coming across that only 1 person surrvived! Well only 1 person made it out alive. Maybe they were alive when they found them but they didn't make coming out of the mine. Who knows. But how devistating! I guess there are fist fights breaking out among the people inside the churches. I'm so confused now. But I am sure that soon enough the actual story will come out and you know that this will be blamed on the media but it definatley wasn't because I know watching CNN before ANYTHING was said 'for sure' they were making sure from officials before they said anything as being true. Anderson Cooper gets on my nerves but for some reason, he still appeals to me and I trust him for some reason and you can tell by his face that he is devestated as well-- and you can only imagine that he feels bad because he has been reporting the good news all night and now he is told the news as well and you can only think that he feels bad for false reporting and they will ALL take blame for it. . . I feel so bad for all these families--- I really hope someone does some SERIOUS explaining! Becasue these people sure deserve A LOT more than what they are going to get. How horrible is that?!?! Most of the men were in the their 50's and 60's-- and the only surrivivor is in his 20's and in critical condition. Right now I don't agree with the media trying to ask family members who are leaving the church what they were told inside the church-- THAT makes me mad with the media because these people deserve respect and not microphones shoved in their faces----

I dunno....i just can't believe something like this would happen.

2006-01-03T21:02:00.000-08:00

UNBELIEVABLE!!

The 12 other men were found alive!!! I'm watching TV right now and you can hear them crying and hugging and just rejoicing. They still haven't come out of the mine but they are alive. Unfortunatley, there was one miner who passed and I can't even begin to imagie how difficult this is for the family who lost their loved one while everyone else is rejoicing. Now the local residents are pushing the cameras out of the way and shoving them --- not very happy that the media is there. I understand where they are coming from but they are showing their joy right now so i don't know why they are so angry but my guess is it is out of respect for everyone.

I am just so happy that they are all alive! Wow Wow Wow Wow Wow Wow Wow Wow Wow! I am truly shocked!

41 Hours.

2006-01-03T18:09:00.000-08:00

So once again I am drawn to CNN.... yesterday morning since the news broke of the miners. It's such a sad incident. And it gives me chills because we don't think many of us ( who are not familiar with coal mines) don't think about the dangers that they go through daily. It's heartbreaking. And now they have confirmed one body found but 12 that they are still serching for. I hope that the other 12 are found 'alright' but again, its been more than a day now and the gas levels are very very high but coal miners are pretty resourceful people so I'm really hoping that they somehow managed to get themselves to some sort of safety. . . . keep those families and miners in your thoughts and prayers; many of you reading this knows how hard it is to have a loved one performing a job that is dangerous but HAS to be done--- they put themselves in harms way for us to maintain our lifestyles among many other things and they know what could happen but you take that chance just like any other career --- hopefully the next news I hear will be more positive.

[UPDATE]

I found this on a website and feel it relevant to put this on my site for the time being--
it is a Eternal Flame Commemorating Mining Disasters --
.

**I found it at : http://www.rogerphilpot.com/Miningdisasters.html

2006-01-02T14:02:00.000-08:00

So Happy New Year Everyone! I guess this is my first official post of 2006. Wow is that weird, huh?

So I had a VERY uneventful New Years Eve but we did get to chat online all day and night. So I was able to wish him a happy new year when it was his time, and he was able to wish me one at mine. At about 230 am his internet went down and that was that but hey, we had PLENTY of time to talk all day.

It was also our anniversary and he made me what has got to be the sweetest little slideshow video thing. Its only got a few pics of us but its got pics of 'islands' and muscle cars and little sayings the make it 'personal' on some of the frames. He's such a sweetheart . But so no real new years kisses but we did the best we could.

Yestreday I went to dinner with my family at Maggiano's in Skokie (Old Orchard) and we had SO much food. Then me, my dad, adn my brother went over to Best Buy and I got a DVD recorder which I am SO excited about. I can dub all my VHS's to DVD plus record TV. I can't wait. I wish Dan was here though to e xplain it to me. LOL> It will probably be until Dan comes home thill I attempt to figure out how to use it. But I will make an attempt at it. Anyways. Thats whats going on for me so far in 06. I'm at my parents doing Laundary and I start classes tomorrow .... it'll be nice. It will keep me occupied.

Well I'll update more soon!

2005-12-31T13:23:00.000-08:00

I feel like a complete dummy.

I just discovered that the stamps go up to 39 cents starting January 8th. And I just bought a book. Grrrr!!!!! Oh well- Looks like I'll be buying some 2 cent stamps in the mean time.

2005-12-31T05:03:00.000-08:00

So its 6:15 AM New Years Eve and I'm up. Actually, I haven't gone to sleep yet. Shouldn't I be doing this tonight?? Oh Well. I'm being selfish today-- because I haven't been selfish really this whole deployment and well-- today is different. I could care less about it being New Years to tell you the truth-- 2006 is just going to be the same as 2005. I am hoping better (for the worlds sake) that it is better but you knnow it seems things just keep going downhill so my hopes are not up for 06. In regards to my relationship and all that--- things are good I am talking about societal, economical, enviormental, etc.

Well today/tonight/tomorrow whatever day you want to 'classify' it as (we use the first so tomorrow) is our anniversary. I knew it would be tough but I didn't realize it would be this tough but before long, today and tomorrow will be over and things can start going back to normal again. I was just watching CNN and they had a brief commercial about what has happened in the past year and I am amazed at how muc happened that I completley forgot about. As they were showing it occured to me just how long a year really is. And how much happens in a year. Wow. It seems like 2005 went by so fast but as I was watching I was reminded of things that made me go 'wow. I remember that happening before that...' but nope... It ALL happened in 05 and 365 days might feel quick--- by no means it is short. Some of those things that I was reminded of in that brief commercial you may have forgotten happened in 05 as well--- or maybe your forgot some the things I remembered. If you have anything to add to my list--- PLEASE let me know. So here's some of what happened in 2005 both private (timeline) and public (written as they come to mind):
**These are in NO PARTICULAR ORDER. I am just rattling them off as they come to mind**
{{{{{With that in mind, I will probably be adding to this throughout the day so if it interests your for some reason--- be sure to check in}}}}}
- Hurricane Katrina

- Hurricane Rita

- The death of Hunter S. Thompson

- The death of the Pope

- More than 2,000 soldiers have made the ultimate sacrafice and shown us that freedom is not free

- The Pakistani Earthquake

- The Stoughton Tornado on August 18--- along with 13 + tornadoes throughout Wisconsin

- London Bus Bombings

- Jordan Bombings

-I guess we can add the newest cocky male to make the news, the boy from Flordia who decided to fly to Kuwait and go into Baghdad. Thank God no soldiers got hurt tryign to make sure he was ok becuase then I'd have LOTS to say but personally I feel that the kid got himself in-- he should get himself out. Our soldiers have more important things to do and that's all I'll say about that. People reading this who want to do something adventorous: If its dangerous - only do it if its not going to be a danger to anyone else. Please? Don't make the jobs of anyone (ecspecially our soldiers) any more difficult than it already is...If you want to be a moron, go ahead and be a moron but don't bring other people into it and please, don't try to go to Baghdad. If you want to go to Baghdad and your old enough to fly and travel by yourself, enlist in the military and get the necessary training first. Then you don't risk the lives of others. Sorry for the rant.

-They keep saying the Tsunami but that happened in 04 but yes we witnessed the aftermath in 05 so I'll add it in.

-Terry Schaivo

-Chicago White Sox won the world series

- Deep Throat revealed

-The Michael Jackson Drama

-CIA Leak

-Johnny Carson Passed Away

-A Frozen air man was found in the mountains of California and hopefully soon one family will have closure to their loved one's whereabouts

2005 is a year I will not soon forget. Late August I saw the most important person in my life off to serve our country in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom and the path to that day changed my perspective on many thingns in this country and this world. I am proud to say that I have a loved one serving in the middle east right now and while he is not in Iraq, his job is equally important in different ways. My eyes have opened wider this year than in years before and with everything that has happened throughout the entire world, the length and depth of an entire year can be viewed in ways other than days but it can be measured in moments as well and when measuring in moments, you truly realize the length of 365 days.

Gifts from the Sand

2005-12-29T15:23:00.000-08:00

Here are some Pictures of my Christmas/Hanukkah gifts from my Soldier. They came in two seperate packages. One came a few days before Christmas and one just came the other day. I bet you can't guess my favorite thing of all??

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I collect the 'original' Hard Rock Shirts althogh this one is more a dress but of course I still Love it-

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I love sweatshirts and this one actually is really cute because he bought it small (I always by my sweatshirts HUGE and he always gets them for me small and more my size. I'd by a large and he buys me a small -- but I wore it already and really like how it fits. Good Job Babe!

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This is 1 of 2 mugs. This one can be described as WIA and as soon as I buy the right glue hopefully it will be useable becuase just the handle fell off--

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I think this is really cool. Its money from all sorts of places. I Know where some of its from becasue it says so on the 'note' but some of them don't have the name in English (which why should they since its not our currency). If anyone knows where any of its from, LET ME KNOW! I'd like to be able to associate it with a country-

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Unfortunatley, this was the only one lost. Yes, the black mug was KIA. The two mugs had a bit too much room to move around and only a sweatshirt to protect them which proved to be insufficient. Unlike the white mug, this one is in lots of pieces with these two being the biggest. What you can't see is the otehr side and part of the reason for that is it broke into MANY pieces. Things happen....and I am happy that I could get a pic of it at least because its really cool--

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HARD ROCK PINS!!!! I collect these. I have been ever since my dad said I didn't need any more Hard Rock T-shirts when we were on a Road Trip and I was getting one in every city. Now that I am older, I don't blame him for the 'cut off' but I still do have all the shirts as well. Now I just have to buy a tshirt and a pin when I'm at a Hard Rock. So his plan worked partially I guess becuase for a few years I only got pins and I used to pin them to my Hard Rock Cafe Hat from San Juan, Puerto Rico. Before these the most distant pin I had was from the Stockholm Sweden Hard Rock. I went to my parents to find my 'hat' so that I cold put all the pins together at my apartment and the only pin on my hat was Phoenix. Hmmm. I must of taken them off when we moved last year but for the life of me I can't remember where I put them. Oh Well. I know I didn't get rid of them so in time someone will come across them. Until them my collection consists of Phoenix and Kuwait. At least they are kinda similar. ;-) Both being desert and all--

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We have yet to come up with a name for this little fellow but we'll think of one soon I hope and then he will get a dog tag becaue obviously he is a Soldier Camel. LOL! I think that this was perfect adn teh little Desert Camo Boonie Cap was a nice touch. When Dan had bought it he told me he was on his way to send the package and saw it and had to get it for me so it delayed the pacakge being sent because to post office was closing and he now had to repack the box. I'd say it was worth the delay. Now Pvt Murphy (yes after the cartoon), my build a bear I got from him before he deployed to Mississippi, has a new 'buddy'. Awwweeee!!!--

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My 1st ever stocking. I'm happy! But I am even more happy that he bought two the match. Hmmm I wonder what that cold mean ;-). These of course came in the package AFTER Christmas because somebody I guess forgot to pick them up at the embroidery shop and had already sent the package out. He's been Mr. Forgetful since he left. But it doesn't matter Cause they are staying out for a little bit anyways because I like them. And I am sure that there will be many chances for us to celebrate Christmas together and hang our stockings side by side. Well at least I am HOPING thats the case. Oh and NO he did not spell my name wrong. Samantha is one 'm' but Samm has 2. I've been doing it since the fourth grade and it stuck and its part of me because when someone is talking about me or to me its always 'no. not that sam. The Samm with 2 'm's" since Samantha is a fairly common name I guess it 'sets' me apart--

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Self Explanatory--

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I think this is more for a certain someone than for me but it doesn't really matter since its going on the wall next to his Army poster. You wouldn't be able to tell that there was a female living in my apartment with all the Army stuff all over the place. Once I have money it will be 'added' upon with some 'homey' touches on the walls but until then, I don't mind the Army 'them' going on. It makes it easier for some reason. You would think it would make me miss him more but instead it always makes me think of him and smile. Awwwwweee! Sorry I'm in a Sappy mood today for some reason--

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Yes -- its PVT Murphy's new best friend again the 'soldier camel'. Yes I know it is just a stuffed animal but doesn't it look mischievious??

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So thats all for my pics for now. Not to exciting for you I'm sure but I had to share. I love him so much!!! Were you able to figure out which one was my favorite ? Leave some comments please.

--S

2005-12-29T12:34:00.000-08:00

This day last year me and a certain someone spent the better part of the day text messaging back and forth and that certain someone started bugging me to meet him and I wouldn't budge. There was no way in hell I was meeting someone whom I met on the internet. Who'd he think I was-- some idiot?!? I knew better.

Well I guess he was right--- but for once being an idiot and taking that risk was WELL worth it. But hey--- I stood my ground for a little while. Ok well, a day. And he continues to do that to me--- when it comes to him, I guess nothing really causes much convincing...

What Can I say?

My 'moral of the story' for today:

If your gut says go for it--- LISTEN. Take that chance and go for it because you never know where it might lead. For me, taking the risk (and I am not risk taker) has been the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am not just saying that. The 'risk' has opened me up to a whole new world that I never even knew existed and that world is one that I never want to leave. I had been in two very serious relationships before, one two + years and the other two years and this one is just different. No one makes me feel the way he does. Even from almost 7,000 miles aways he STILL has that effect on me-- and its be just a few days shy of a year. Since the first day of just talking there has been something between us that I know I felt and I would dare to say that he felt it too and that something only gets better and stronger by the day. So- if your contemplating a risk, TAKE IT!

--- and 's ---

2005-12-29T12:05:00.000-08:00

Ok- So I know that these things are TOTALLY random but its funny becasue that is me in a nutshell. Just thought it was funny!

Your Birthdate: February 16

You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head.
You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking.
People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right.
You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself.

Your strength: Your original approach to thinking

Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others

Your power color: Pale blue

Your power symbol: Wavy line

Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

undecided

2005-12-29T05:06:00.000-08:00

I am way to indecisive and just need to pick one and stick with it-- I am thinking that I might use this blog for pictures and somewhat serious posts since my other one has been lots of ramblings. I am not really sure how its going to work though. In case your interester here is my Xanga Site: MY XANGA

One of these days I will start making decisions and sticking with them--- can't say when , but one day! ;-)

2005-12-28T19:13:00.000-08:00

Hmmmm...its so not nice outside.
Just misty and damp...and no more snow.
I'll post more later.
Ive got pics of some of my presents. Yeay!

2005-12-25T17:39:00.000-08:00

How bout them Bears????

2005-12-25T13:55:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to say MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HANUKKAH to everyone!
I've been laying around my apartment all day (and didn't wake up until 2) and its quite relaxing. Obviously it would be a million times better if I wasn't alone and if my soldier was here laying around doing nothing with me as well but he's got a job- he's got to finish it - and hopefully he will be home for us to celebrate next year together (with our cute new stockings he got us) --- Today/his tonight is the first time he's worked in two days since he's been off so we've been 'chatting' non-stop which has been nice so in a way we spent our first holiday together.....its amazing what internet and ecspecially webcams can do when your away from someone special during times when you should be together. Hope everyone is having a great holiday!

2005-12-22T20:35:00.000-08:00

Ok--- I cracked! I told you I'd probably be back.

I don't have much excitement going on but yesterday my package came and that was awsome. Ecspecially because now he doesn't have to spend more money...I'd feel so bad and even if I told him not to do it, he still would. Anyways it had a couple Hard Rock Cafe Pins from Kuwait (I've been collecting them since I was young) and also a Hard Rock Cafe T-shirt (the classic style). There was also a little plaque that has an map of Iraq and says 2005 Coalition Troops and has a picture of the flag for each country that is at his Camp. It was cute that he remembered my little hard rock pin collection because he only heard me say it once and that was because when I was moving out of my parents, he saw all my pins on my Hard Rock Cafe hat and so I told him....Its funny becuase the last time I got a pin was probably 7 years ago and the collection started becuase we were on a cruise and my dad was starting to get upset with me because I 'had to have' a tshirt from EVERYWHERE we went and finally he told me no so I 'settled' for pins....which actually was probably a smarter 'souveneir'.So it kinda stuck and whenever anyone would go anywhere 'new' they'd get me pins from Hard Rock and usually a classic pin tshirt too. I still am mad about one thing though--- my Hollywood Hard Rock shirt that I got when I spent a few weeks with my aunt, uncle, and cousins in Newport Beach where they live for a month during the summer at the Four Seasons (at least they used too)-- Well a couple summers ago I was trying to make it 'cute' and I wanted to make it short and I put ribbons on the side to make it 'lace up' and it was really cute but I did a really sloppy job and well it ruined my favorite shirt.....And I will probably never be back in that area to go get a new shirt so it kinda gets to me but at least I cut out the 'circle' and saved that much of it .

Well I guess I have another package 'en route' and that probably won't come until after Christmas. . . So I can look at it like this one was my 'christmas/hanukkah' present and the next one is my anniversary present --- which is New Years Day. LOL! No he said they are both Christmas presents and I already know what I'm gettign for our Anniversary but its an Anniversary/Birthday/Valentines Day gift and I'll get it when he is home on leave (or at least be able to open it if he has it shipped) ...... Anyways thats about all thats going on. It was a little warmer out today but I guess we are supposed to get freezing rain over night tonight. Fun! And its funny that I say a little warmer becuase I think it was only in the 30's but its been so cold that it felt good. I drove with the window cracked to my parents too LOL...had the heat on but still the air wasn't bitterly cold.

Well I hope everyone is ready for the holidays! I know I'm not doing much of anything but hanging around my apartment but if I was doing something for the holidays, I probably wouldn't be ready, LOL!

I wasn't lieing when I said that I would probably be back.......I Don't know why I even leave in the first place.

Sunday and a Night Off

2005-12-18T21:07:00.000-08:00

Well today was my soldiers night off so I talked to him online all day. I am happy that he has the scheduel that he does becuase our 'talk' time is in the morning before he goes to work (which is night time for him but 9is am for me) and then again when he gets home which is about 9pm for me so it is perfect. His days off our great because we sit and chat during the time his shift would be. Of course his tent lost power AGAIN. It has been a lot I guess (every time I am talking to him) but for a while he went to a buddies tent adn then after a while went back to his and we talked a little while longer. We argued a bit about stupid stuff and I HATE when that happens but of course it always turns out fine. I guess now we are not going to Seattle now-- again, he changed his mind. But thats nto what the fight was about at all....

Anyways...for a while now it has seemed as if he was having a bit of a tough time. It's not that he was comign 'outward' and saying it but he wasn't being himself in subtle ways. Well now he's starting to tell me what things are difficult which I think he is telling me because some of the things are what lead to our little scuffles. He has just seemed 'detached' and that makes it hard on me and then I get down so of course it brings him down. And I've tried so hard not to let it bother me but after a while it builds up. Anyways now that I know the reasons he has been acting the way he has, its better. I always figured that the reasons he was acting this way were for the reasons he explained but I wanted to hear it from him. And now its a large weight and relief (of sorts) lifted off my shoulders.

Well not too much more to write about today. I think I am going to head to my parents tomrorrow to do laundary (where its free)-- Yesterday I went there at night becasue all of a sudden around 3pm my internet stopped working and yet my green light was still blinking so about 7pm I was worried that it was something with my computer. And had my college campus not shut down for the break, I would have driven there but of course it was so I drove to my parents and of course my internet worked fine. Of course my dad and my puppies were happy to see me. My mom partially woke up while I was there and well she was in one of her lovely moods and I told her I might come Monday to do laundary (sometimes she tells me to call before I come which I do and then get yelled at for calling first and that I Don't have too and of course when I don't call I get yelled at for calling-- Geesh!) Well I told her I might come and of course I get her moody comments. Not a big deal- typical. And I'm sure when I go tomorrow, she'll be in the middle of laundary saying she decided she had to do it or she didn't think I was coming. Again, typical.

Well anyways- maybe I'll go tomorrow. Not sure though its supposed to be really cold and I still need to go to the post office and drop off all my Xmas cards becuase Im convinced my mail man hates me and I feel bad leaving leaving them all for him. Now its 11:20 pm and time to go back to sewing my pants. LOL! My blue pants with yellow ribbons. Sometimes I'm just such a dork. But I really want to get them done so I can start my red flannel pair so that Dan can have the shorts that he wants from the same material to send with his next pacakge. I don't know why I keep procrastinating when this stuff takes 5 minutes to make.....

Until Next Time-
S

First Entry

2005-12-17T10:21:00.000-08:00

Well I created this Blog a while back now so I guess it is about time that I finally enter an entry!!!
I have been using Xanga but it just has too much going on lately and I love it but sometimes I don't want all the 'frills' and I just want to post in a journal.

Anyways I got to talk to my soldier last night. I was shocked! He came online for a minute or two after he got done with work (about 9pm CST and 6am AST) his power was out in his tent again so he pretty much just said Hi and that he was going to take a nap and then go to a ceremony. They were presented with their combat patches yesterday (today). I can't believe they have been gone for more than 30 days already. I don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing that it doesn't feel like hes been gone that long. Well after the ceremony he called me so it was about 1am and my phone rang and I said Hello and heard nothing until I heard Hello on the other end (grrrrr!!! the delay!!!). We talked for about a half hour about nothing really important- just talked like he was on his way home from work and not from 6760 miles away. I like that it went that way becasue its not as hard after we hang up. Anyways--

In less then 100 days he will be home for leave. Its very early in the deployment and he's kinda bummed about that but I'll take any time I can get. It will be nice- we are going to the Seattle area for a few days which is in place of Door County so it will be more like a vacation than a 'getaway'. He has to take a test in order to start applying for the P.D.'s in the area and the test covers a bunch of agencies so we are going to make a trip out of it.

I am still waiting on my 'package' to get here that he sent out a while ago. Waiting is the worst part sometimes I swear!!! I'm happy that I my finals are finally ever and now I officially only have one year left of school (two semesters)!!!! But then its to the real world I go and what it is I do-- I have no idea! While my original intent was definatley law school I can't do that anymore. I am too burnt out and just don't have the desire to go anymore. I think it also has to do with the fact that domesticity is kicking in as well. By the time Dan gets home, I don't want to have to worry about being on the opposite end of the country from him and he agrees. And, honestly, I would rather do Paralegal work for a government agency (benefits and job security) because I enjoy doing the 'grunt work'. Its the research and the organizing and the data entry that I enjoy so I think that I will be much happier there than at Law school. Now if Dan could only know where he was going to be working it would be perfect because I could start 'scoping' out possible employers but I guess in time that will happen. Plus I have time too.

Well I didn't mean to write so much for my first entry but I guess I had more to say than I thought. Now if I could only find people who want to waste their time reading my ramblings I'll be in good shape.

--S

2005-12-16T14:31:00.000-08:00

OVER. DONE. COMPLETE. FINISHED. I CAN BREATHE AGAIN!!!!!
[ Hopefully I can sleep again too!! ]

2005-12-14T19:16:00.000-08:00

Well I just glanced down at my Ticker--

3 months
3 weeks
3 days

Crazy huh?? I try not to look at my ticker so I only do it randomly--- and it was just funny that it was all 3's.

Anyways---
It didn't get as bad as they said it would today-
But freezing rain has been falling for a while now-- it started when I was about a block away from my apartment (perfect timing)!! And I am so excited because I wasn't crazy and there actually was something wrong with my car

Well-- I spent the afternoon at the dealership but thankfully my dad had called and said that he had wireless in his office and to bring my computer so I was able to stay entertained. Good News is -- when Im driving in my car it doesn't feel like I'm riding a horse anymore (thats been for the last few days - NOT FUN). So my JEEP is all better now. Yeay!

Time to go waste some time!

2005-12-13T23:49:00.000-08:00

So final number 2 didn't go as well as final number one today because I went to go study and you know who signs online....hmmm....talk to my soldier or read about the history of the FBI???? Not a tough problem to solve. We talked until I left and then again when I got home at 6:30 and he was definatley in a better mood today than he was yesterday. I have to go get my oil changed and all that fun stuff tomorrow and of course we have a winter snow advisory and are supposed to get 6-8 inched between 6 am and midnight. We already have about a foot on the ground. I'm going to get snowed in. LOL! I hope its not too bad. Dan is going to wake me up at about 8 and my goal is to be out of hear by 8:45 and hopefully the roads won't be that bad yet so I cand make it to Gurnee in about a half hour. The way home might be a little longer....but at least then I'll have gas (since my dads filling me up). I just really need to go so I hope it isn't that bad becasue then I am going to 'skip it' but I don't know when the next chance will be for me to go.....I dunno....Im not worried about driving in the snow (Im one of those who enjoys slipping on ice every once in a while. The 'rush' reminds me that I'm alive LOL -- when I used to drive a civic, I used ot love EMPTY parking lots in the winter time -- lots of fun-- and NO i don't like sliding ALL over the place, just that brief moment when you go to make a turn and you lose traction is what I enjoy)---- I just don't want to be driving in a white out. Thats not fun!

Thats enough for now I think----ill update soon Im sure!

2005-12-13T07:23:00.000-08:00

So One Down--- One to Go--- For Today!!

Dan came online around 10 last night -- I guess their internet was down. Lets just say that as glad as I was to talk to him, I wish the internet would of stayed down....someone was just a tad bit cranky and I will leave it at that.....

Anyways-- I just realized I had his addresss written down in two different ways so I am hoping he signs on soon so that he can tell me which one is right -- and hopefully I've been using the right one to write him mail lately otherwise its going to take him a LONG time to get some letters. Whoops! Sometimes I just do some REALLY dumb things I guess.

Well its time to get back to studying.....

2005-12-02T21:26:00.000-08:00

So I was reading this article today that was printed a long time ago in the local paper where I lived until a year and a half ago and it was written by a photo-journalist who now works for the Army Times and all of its 'affiliates' but he used to work for this paper and so anyways I was reading it and it was about some time he spent with some Marines during the first big 'mission' (can't think of the right word to use here so help me out if you want) and he said something that I had to write down because it was 100% true--- and what he said was this:

"Typical of military lifestyle, the only plan set in stone is the one you just completed."
-M. Scott Mahaskey

The Article (more like small journal) is from a while back but its really interesting and he offers a very unique and almost raw perspective. He's defenitley good at what he does and many of the photos that become famous from Iraq or that you saw everywhere from NOLA after Katrina, were taken by him--- but if you'd like-- check it out.

Here's the Link: "Inside Fallujah" as featured in the Suburban Chicago Newspaper "The Daily Herald"

I am curious to know what you thought of it so if you read it leave a comment and let me know what you thought.

Thanks.

[[update/edit]]
if the link does not work-- try going to to dailyherald.com and there is a link on there (on the right hand side at the bottom of the column) and it says special reports or special features or something of the sort- and you'll see 'inside fallujah'--

2005-12-02T14:01:00.000-08:00

No Emails this morning-- I like getting the emails when I wake up but just like when he was still in Mississippi, its so much harder when I hear from him in someway everyday and then all of a sudden I hear nothing. It was easier when he called once a week-- it was easier to move on and not revolve myself around the phone or the computer and he said its the same for him so maybe he's starting to cut back on it again. Who knows. With the emails its different though because I know what time he goes online and I am asleep so I don't worry about sitting at the computer waiting for him to 'sign on' because he is sending an email-- if that makes sense.

Welll good news is I started to clean up a little bit around here and organize some things that have just been in piles waiting to be sorted. I still need to attack the clothes though....No fun. But now I am shredding things that need to be tossed and putting all my magazines that I don't want into a box. I'm thinking of going and dropping them off somewhere because I am a magazine junkie and a packrat so I have A LOT and I feel bad tossing them-- its hard enought for me to part with them. I LOVE my magazines but I just don't have room for them . I am really bad when it comes to throwing out my magazines.... Anyways Im gonna start getting some stuff done because I have A LOT of homework to do this weekend and next week so I want my place to kinda be 'clean' so I am not distracted from my work because of the disorganized state of my apartment (its clean just nothing put away) ....

So Yeah, I'm a pretty boring person- yet again- today.

2005-12-01T18:12:00.000-08:00

So missed class AGAIN today (two days in a row)-- two seperate classes though. Yesterday it was my 1:15pm class and today it was my 8am. And I just had a week off too-- and I only have a week left-- This is so not like me at all and the harder I try to stay on the ball or try to not be so tired, I get worse.......grrrr......its just so frustrating ecspecially because today was mandatory too and I still looked at my clock when my alarm went off and was just TOO tired to even move. This is going to be a long next week with LOTS of stuff to do this weekend ( 3 papers that I haven't started the books on) 1 paper that I don't have a topic for yet, one paper that I just really dont want to do and then then to top it all of -- the following week is finals-- yeah-- sounds like lots of fun doesn't it?!?!?

2005-09-12T15:32:00.000-07:00

Whoo Hoo!! I finally got my bedroom cleaned up! It's only been 3 weeks but I finally did it! I'm so excited. It was all clothes and they were all nicely folded I just needed to put them away. There was a lot because we had gone on vacation right before he left and we just never put away alot of the stuff after we did the laundary. Its funny becasue most of the clothes needing to be put away were his too....go figure. LOL! Well it was sad putting away all his stuff but I got to be reminded of all his favorite tshirts that I get to sleep in now so it made it all better!!! Well thats about it for now. Not to exciting I know! I'm boring when I'm happy!

2005-09-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

Why do I ever get myself going??? I just talked to him and there was definatley good reason as to why I hadn't heard from him and he didn't forget about me. He made me feel good on teh phone and I guess he has a few letters already in the mail for me but he's out of stamps so there will be more (stamps are on their way I sent them last week). And he told me about a few things that are making me look at myself and laughing for getting so upset because it was clear that it was unnecessary. Well thats all I have to say for now. I got to go get started on some 'homework'. Not so fun!

This is from the road trip I went on with my Dad and cousin this past summer. Next year us long haulers are going East....and maybe the car will make it! But it wouldn't of been as memorable had we not run in to all the 'trouble' that we did. If you love cruising around in a classic (or not classic but appreciate classics) you should definatley consider the Hot Rod Magazine Hot Rod Power Tour™

Can You Find Us?

2005-09-10T19:08:00.000-07:00

Im Up. . . Im Down. . . Im Up. . .Im Down. . .

This Sucks! Everything was all fine and dandy until I went and got my mail!
And I knew it was coming too but I didn't realize it would hurt so much!
He told me a letter was on its way but he was pissed off when he wrote it because it was the day of the hurricane and he hung on me the phone that day because he was mad at me bringing something up on the phone .... Anyways.... he said that they letter only has a few lines of him being cranky. Well yeah it was only a few lines but the most important one....Rather than signing 'Love Dan' he signs it 'Later Dan' and then concludes it with a nice PS- commenting to how he hopes I can at least appreciate the first letter home since don't appreciate the phone calls.

Wow! What a smack in the face. And the fact that he knew how bad that would hurt me too. I need to talk to him on the phone so bad. I wish I would of known what the letter said, because I wouldn't of read it! You know what I mean? I was finally 'ok' with everything and now I am so hurt its not even funny. I take time and put so much into my letters to him and I get this and its liek 'why am I even waiting around....'. He has never Ever been so cold and bitter to me before like he was in the letter and I know I probably won't get another one for a long time but I don't even want to look at this one. Its making me sick! I feel like the worlds worst girlfriend on top of it all and I know that once I talk to him things will be fine because he'll reassure me that he was just mad and he does love me and all the other stuff a girl likes to hear. I hate being mad/sad when I can't do anything about it! My head hurts too now!

This Sucks! And I am clueless as to what to do! I want to stop crying and I keep tellign myself its fine but then I start plaing the 'what if...' game in my head. I dunno! I want to go running to him and tell him I am so sorry I made him THAT mad and that I do appreciate his phone calls. I am not even in the mood to write him right now and I am always in teh mood to write him.

What to do. . .What to do. . What to do. . . What to do. . . I feel helpless and worthless and I wish Email had an 'unsend' button!!!!!

Anyone know how many times you need to hit the refresh button for your email account until a message magically appears?!?!? I'm falling apart over here!

2005-09-10T12:55:00.000-07:00

Is it strange that the email Dan wrote me made me cry? But not cry in a bad way but a good way? The thing is it was the type of email that should not of done that at all to me.... Only certain parts brought me to tears but I feel like such a sap! I mean I read it twice yesterday and I just couldn't help it. I myself am laughing at the fact that I was crying over an email that was supposed evoke a completley different emotion out of me. I love that man so much and I know he'll laugh too when I tell him that I loved the letter but for some reason, certain parts made me cry. . . He'll be like "how?" . . . I feel like such a dork! Oh Well! Time to go read about the historty of Juvenile Justice now.....

2005-09-09T13:36:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the comments. I really do appreciate them! I got an email from him and its crazy ... All he has to do is make just the slightest contact with me and I feel ok again. I wish I could just keep that good feeling becuase I know that I'm going to hear from him. Its just once a few days go by I start getting low. Not because I suspect anything but just cause I want to know 'whats up' I guess you could say. I just have a feeling I am going to have a real tough time when I have to say Goodbye again in a month or two. After they finish their training he's coming home for his 5 day leave and I know that after those five days hes off to the sandbox so it will be awhile till I see him again. Im hoping by then I'll be used to being alone so it won't be that hard but I know Im just fooling myself! I keep in touch with other 'loved ones' from people in his unit and also with his family and it does help. Just when I'm feeling down, I get jealous if they got a phone call or something. I know its pathetic but hey-- I wanna phone call too! I know that if he was able to call he would so I Don't know why I let that get to me but its getting better. Well I got to go work on some homework before i go to work at 6:30. A whole 3 hours of work, I don't knwo why its even worth it, you know?!?!

And by the way I wanted to throw in these lyrics from Jack Johnson. I think they really sum up whats going on right now with Katrina and all the other stuff. I got the lyrics from azlyrics.com:

"Good People"

You win
Its your show, now
So whats it gunna be
Cause people
Will tune in
How many train wrecks do we need to see?
Before we lose touch of
We thought this was low
It's bad gettin worse so

[Chorus:]
Whered all the good people go
Ive been changin channels
I dont see them on the tv shows
Whered all the good people go
We got heaps and heaps of what we sow

They got this and that and
With a rattle a tat
Testing one two,
Now whatcha gunna do?
Bad news, misused,
Got too much to lose
Gimme some truth
Now whos side are we on?
Whatever you say
Turn on the boob tube
Im in the mood to obey
So lead me astray by the way, now

Where'd all the good people go?
I've been changin channels
I dont see them on the tv shows
Whered all the good people go
We got heaps and heaps of what we sow

Sitting round feeling far away
So far away but I can feel the debris
Can you feel it?
You interrupt me from a friendly conversation
To tell me how great its all gunna be
You might notice some hesitation
Cause whats important to you is not important to me
Way down by the edge of your reasons
Its beginning to show
And all I wanna know is..

Whered all the good people go
Ive been changin channels
I dont see them on the tv shows
Whered all the good people go
We got heaps and heaps of what we sow

They got this and that
With a rattle a tat
Testing one, two
Now what you gonna do?
Bad news, misused, gimme some truth
You got too much to lose
Whose side are we on?
Whatever you say
Wrong and resolute but in the mood to obey
Station to station desensitizing the nation

[Thanks to sorrento9114@sbcglobal.net for correcting these lyrics]

2005-09-08T20:40:00.000-07:00

Im sad again tonight. I just really miss him and I know its gonna be tought but I feel I am allowed be lonely everyonce in awhile. I just want to curl up in bed next to him. I just am not feeling good, Im tired becuase my sleep is all messed up now with classes having started and I know that he'd make all that better. Its weird because it feels like each day (even when I don't talk to him) I love him more and more. I don't know how thats possible. Well its 10:30 and it feels like it is 4 in the morning to me. I don't have class till 1:15 tomorrow but I also dont ever sleep more than 6 hours and usually I sleep 4 so I don't want to go to sleep yet but I am thinkgin I might just have too even though the cubbies are playing and winning (can't believe I'm tired with that going on). Goodnight peoples!

2005-09-07T21:42:00.000-07:00

All of a sudden I re:ally really miss Dan. I don't know why and I don't like that I do. I've been 'good' so far and just out of no where about 5 minutes ago something happened. I don't know what and I don't know how but I wish it didn't. I don't get it. I want him here so bad right now. I want a hug and him to rub my back like he would when my crying at night before he left would kind of wake him up (he sometimes remembered doing it). I would try so hard not to wake him too...or when I would go into the bedroom and laydown and just be sad to myself and he'd come in after about 20 minutes and ask me whats wrong, but he knew what was wrong.... Now Im in here and I know hes not gonna come in after Ive had my time to 'cool off'.

I don't know what to do.... I was hoping this feeling wouldnt come but I guess it was just a 'big' day for me today, kind of and I have no one to share it with. I have to write everything in letters and then I feel bad becuase he ends up gettign 10 page letters that ramble on about nothing, that I know he has no time to read. I have no one but him and that is the hardest part. Ive got no one to tell me its gonna be alright and no one to just sit with me while I cry or be there for me when times get tough (like tonight). I'm not one to go and 'make friends' I've been hurt too much in the past that I like having '1' friend and my 1 frined isnt here. I don't know why Im feeling so bad for myself. Everything I have and everything I don't have is a result or a choice I made and I don't regret my choices at all....I know it will be a lot easier once he is actually in country because he will have email and stuff so I can have more contact with him.

I need to go to sleep. I've got class in the morning (8:00am)...I feel so helpless right now its pathetic! I am officially going to say that this absolutley positivley without a doubt SUCKS big time (the way I feel right now).....

Goodnight!

2005-09-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

I need to make a statement...

Honestly, if I was told to leave my pets behind and evacuate, I'd laugh in that persons face. I could never ever leave my dogs behind and I am so sorry for all those that had to. I'm a pretty thick-skinned person and let me tell you every time I see the dogs on the porches and the boats just going passed, I am in tears. I have literally been physically sick more than once in the past few days thinking about it and its horrible. I wish I could do something. Seeing the golden retriever (and all the other dogs) in the tree broke my heart. RESCUE THE FREAKIN ANIMAL!!!! Don't just 'shoot' footage of it. Granted, the media has been doing a great job of reuniting families and the such but could you imagine if you evacuated and figured it was going to be like every other storm so you left your pet behind with what you thought would get him through the couple days till you came back??? Then your sitting where you evacuated too and see your dog clinging for life in a tree and no one helping it??? I don't know what I would do!

It is amazing what these rescue organizations out there doing what they do. I honestly can say that I would NEVER be able to do such a job. I wouldn't be able to see dead animals and I would be beyond furious for these dogs being 'left behind' by both owners and rescuers that I wouldn't want to give any of the dogs up, I wouldn't want to return them to their owners, what happens when the next hurricane comes? They going to go and tie it up in the house to die again?? I know I know many people love their animals and had No other choice and they figured it wasn't going to be that bad but depending on how I found the animal would affect how I would feel when re-uniting the families (bc pets are families). I would just feel the need to blame someone I guess. . . I don't know. Like many others, you would need to drag me out of my house kicking and screaming and hanging on to my dogs to get me out. When theres a tornado watch I bring them into the basement with me and keep them in the room. I don't want to wait untill the 'worst' is there to bring them to safety, you know? The dogs look at me like I'm crazy but I Dont want anything to happen to them!

Even with me living in my apartment and my dogs being at my parents, I would be swimming 10 miles through the disgusting disease infested water just to get to my animals and make sure they were safe or to do what I could--- I'd rather myself die then my dogs. I can help/save myself if I wanted to but they rely on us 100% for their basic needs and surrvival...They have no chance without their owners. I was pulling out of my parents house the otehr day and my one pup was looking at me through a crack in the blinds on the french doors watching me pull away. She looked so sad too and I kept waving and she just kept staring but it made me wonder how hard it must of been for people to pull off their driveways and see those faces while they evacuated.

Call me crazy and obsessed with my dogs but hey....they love me and are always happy to see me so I give them the same. They rely on me and my family for their food, health, water, hygine, companionship, etc... They are family too!!!

2005-09-07T01:06:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update for everyone because I should be sleeping. I start classes tomorrow finally!!

Anyways yesterday, well the 5th, I talked to Dan for 23 minutes. It made me feel so much better and I actually slept last night too. It was nice. Thats probably why I am still wide awake right now! As of yesterday he had only recieved one of my letters but he called me today and said 3 of them came. He called to answer some questions about things to send that I asked becasue yesterday he told me to send him out his package. And I was told to send lots of candy (healthy soldier!) -- Chocolate none the less. I asked him if it was a smart idea and he siad he will eat it if its melted too. Whatever he wants right? Then he asked me to send him cookies and he asked if they can be homemade.....All I have to say is that soldiers lucky that I love him so much becuase yesterday I had to go buy all his candy and stuff to make the cookies and now I am going to be paying to ship his package in quarters...If i have enough!

Id wait till pay day but he is not sure when they are going into the field (I guess a while though) and I don't want to send fresh baked cookies to sit in the barracks for 10 days, you know what I mean???

It was funny because when I was talking to him, he was on someones cell phone and joking around and he's like "OK guys while I got her on the phone, what do you want....speak fast." The responses he got were corn nuts and women. LOL!

He laughed and said it but then said "how about cookies instead? She says those are on the way" and of course they all said, just as good. They are really bored and I kinda feel bad for them. Because the base that they are training on is the base being used as the command center for the rescue efforts of Katrina, they kinda got pushed aside. They really can't train with everyone there and people coming on adn off the base. Plus a lot of the base was damaged I guess so they are on 'hold'. Hopefully they will start back up again or they can find something for them to do. They wanted to go help but they weren't given orders too and they were all packed and ready to go too. During the storm they were on lockdown in the barracks so they all packed their bags (and took pics of the storm of course) in preperation. The reason they didn't get orders, supposedly, is becasue they are training for their deployment. Which is true becuase they are but right now they can't do anything!!!

Well that was my brief rambling update. Im nervous for some reason about tomorrow...But I know I'll be fine!!!! I can't believe its my 4th year of college!!! I still feel like I am in High School! How Time Flies!

Another thing I want to mention...
I find it amazing (and a bit confusing) that just thinking of Dan makes me smile and feel 'good'. . . I don't understand how that is possible. My guess is that the pride that I have overtakes the lonlieness and as 'corny' as that sounds that is the only thing that makes sense. I miss him so much but Im not 'devistated' from his leaving. I mean yes I've lost weight and things are different but he was my only friend anywhere near me so since he's left Ive virtually been alone and I am not sitting around feeling sorry or crying about things. I end up looking at a picture and smiling. Anyone have any ideas on why that is???? I almost feel bad / guilty about it. I feel like I should be missing him more than I do. Like it is not normal that I didn't cry when I said goodbye (it was hard but I held them back) but I cried a lot while he was still around when I'd think of things.....I am almost thinking maybe I just did a decent job of preparing myself for everything. In a way I have been preparing since we met since I always knew it was a possibility. I don't know! Well I guess I should try sleeping sometime soon. Don't need to be going into my first class not being able to walk straight!! Goodnight!

Until Next Time---

2005-08-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

Wow I really should be updating!!

Anyways....he called me when the eye of the storm was near them so it was about half way through the storm and he informed me that they had lost power earlier that day and that he was calling me from someones cell...Thanks to whoever that someone was by the way-- those was precious battery time.

Well they are not going to assist in any of the clean up unless they are directed to by Bush but as of now they are cleaning up Shelby. Today we got an email from the FRG that they found a land line on the base that actually still worked but there was a huge line for the phone and in a way I hope that Dan doesn't call becasue I am sure there are plenty of families out there who don't have email and their soldiers don't have cells so they haven't been able to make any contact. I know how I would feel if I was still waiting to know he was ok so I hope everyone gets in touch with someone.

I am almost thinking their phones might get set up again soon because I guess that is where the task force command center is going to be. I can't wait to talk to him to see whats its like with everything going on. I just hope all of this doesn't interfere with their training too much becasue they need to finish so they can go to the sandbox and come back home. No delays are needed...Plus theres soldiers they need to releave and the longer they are delayed, the longer it takes them to get home.

Well I am wrtiting Dan letters but not sending them becasue Im sure their mail isnt being processed so I am just combining them into one envelope but its already thick adn I do have a package started to send to him so I just might put the thick envelope into the box and send it in another day or two. Well I have been working on his scrapbook and its kinda coming along. Im taking pics and putting them into an online album so as soon as I get a few more pages in there I will post a link.....

Just wanted to keep everyone informed.

Until Next Time--

Hurricane Katrina

2005-08-28T21:50:00.000-07:00

I meant to post this earlier but I am glued to the damn television and also scrapbooking so Im side tracked. They ended up not leaving and are waiting it out. Well lets hope all goes well and the storm is as 'uneventful' as possible for them. I'd imagine that kinda hard for a bunch of midwesterners in a hurricane though! Hopefully if they lose power, it will be restored within a week. If anything happens I'll find out form the FRG volunteer though so I am not worried. I'll make sure to update here as soon as I know anything.

2005-08-28T11:29:00.000-07:00

Well he called a few hours ago. And I'm glad because of everything going on with Hurrican Katrina and them being in Mississippi for training. Well I guess they are evacuating which makes me feel a lot better but I figured they would because they need the soldiers for the sandbox. They can't risk them. Plus I'm wondering if they will help out with any efforts when the hurricane has passed. Well I'll keep y'all posted!

2005-08-28T02:45:00.000-07:00

And when I started typing that last post, I only wantes to say one thing too.

I miss Dan. I really really miss Dan. I know this is something out of our control and I am beyond proud of him and what he is doing but I have the right to miss him too. Lifes not the same here without him around.... I keep waiting for him to get home from work to tell me about all the crazy people that he saw on the cameras at work today or about some bogus story a person tried to play on him when he was busted for stealing...all the strange a little things that make me smile. I'm waiting for them! At least I know when he comes home there will be lots of them and I will love hearing them so much more because I will never complain about them again because I never thought I could miss them and I do and I want to hear them. Ok again I posted more than I wanted too. . .

*Sigh*

I wish the pain of missing would go away. I know he'll be home when he's done saving the world and when that moment comes....Well I don't know yet! Its a long time away....

Hurry Up Saving the world babe!!!! You have an 18 month (maybe a few weeks more) deadline do your part in this effort got it? Then its back to Kenosha you come!

I hope I hear from him tomorrow...

2005-08-28T02:31:00.000-07:00

I should post more. Don't know why I don't. Guess I am just trying to keep busy. Its not working. My ADD kicks in real quick. As soon as I start doing anything, I stop and begin something else. I've been up since 9am its now 4:23am. Today I have began sewing and cutting the pattern pieces of not one but two pairs of pants. I have wrote two letters to Dan that once complete I crumpled up and threw them in the trash. I lost track of time and didn't put one I did finish to send yesterday in the box before the mail guy came. I started sewing a tote bag. I began on two different scrapbook pages for one scrapbook and also decided to start a whole new scrapbook as well. I have watched some TV done some sitting on the net. I did dishes and started cleaning. I began giving myself a pedicure but then became lured by something that else, can't remember what, and failed to complete my toe pampering. I started reading a book but that didn't last long. And after it is all said and done, I finished absolutley NOTHING! Damnit it makes me mad. And I have plenty to do and plenty that needs to be done and guess what? Everything I did today did not need to be done. Things that need to be done are put laundary away that I still have folded and not put away from when Dan was still home plus that I have been doing all week, empty out the bags of stuff I brought from my parents house the other day, call my dad to get a credit card number so I can order and pick up my text books, re-write my new availability for work once school starts, call and/or go visit my Grandma who I haven't seen in over a year, put my damn chair back on the balcony where it belongs instead of sitting in my living room, put some pictures in some frames (right now the pictures are sitting on top of their respected frames and stacked on my 'frame' shelf'.

I don't know if it wasn't 4:30 in the morning, maybe I would get stared on some of it. . . I always have excuses. I shouldn't but I do!

2005-08-26T20:03:00.000-07:00

Well just a quick update because I don't really feel like writing much but he called me yesterday twice. It was so good to hear his voice and hear that he's doing well. I'll talk more probably tomorrow!

--Until Next Time

2005-08-23T15:28:00.000-07:00

So I have been sitting here now three days complaining and whining about wanting to talk to Dan and at the fact that he hasn't called. I was just doing some stuff around my apartment when a light bulb went off in my head.

He has NO IDEA what my number is (and if I had to recall his I couldn't tell you either) and its been 8 months! We are technology dependent.

Duh!! I'm a moron. They went straight to the field after getting off the plane at Camp Shelby and they were not going to see their totes for a few days at the least. Before he left, he gave his phone to his mom becasue he wasn't taking it with him. Well in his tote (way at the bottom) is his address book. And in his address book is my freakin cell number. So to make it simple: he can't call me from the field on someones cell if he doesnt know where to call.

What happened to the old fashioned way of remembering the phone number of your other half! I guess now I can stop worrying about him calling and start to wonder (and then probably worry) as to when he will get to his address book.

I feel like such an idiot!!!

Note To Self: When you want someone who is deploying to call you from out in the field, write down your number on a piece of paper so they can take it with them. If only common sense were common!!! <--Then I'd be a genious!

--Something else to add to the list of: The Things to do Next Time Even Though There Won't Be a Next Time List.

2005-08-22T21:22:00.000-07:00

Im waiting to hear Stars and Stripes from my phone. . . I keep staring at it like it will make it ring sooner or something. Blah! I think I am going to have to stop reading the stuff from his unit because they are all talking about how they got to talk to their soldeirs. Not me. It would make me feel 99% better to hear him say hello too. I know its only been 2 days and in the future there will be even Longer periods of not talking but its just waiting for that first phone call that is starting to get to me. Im tired and I want to go to bed but Im convinced I will miss something if I do. This sucks cause I have to work tomorrow too and I am sure he will call while I am at work and of course with a customer. I will probably start crying if that is the case. Well I think I am gonna bring my computre with me into my bedroom because Im thinking they got their internet because someone said they saw their soldier on the units communication website. . . Im sure that is not the case adn that he was using a base computer but hey a girl can dream right. Well Hopefully next time I post I would have heard from him but right now I don't know what to expect.....Works gonna be hard tomorrow becasue I am so anxious. Oy!

--Until Next Time!

2005-08-22T06:11:00.000-07:00

That was a horrible night! It is now 8:08am and I probably fell asleep about 5am. So I didn't really get a nights sleep, I got a nap and from about 6am to now, I wasn't really sleeping just tryign to. My body aches and there is no reason for it too. Its not raining and its not humid (its exceptionaly cool and gorgeous outside) yet my ankles are killing me... So that was keeping me from going back to my 'nap'. I go back to work tomorrow after more than a week off of 'Dan Time' so hopefully I will sleep good tonight.

Until Next Time--

2005-08-22T02:42:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep. This is not fun. Hopefully soon my eyes will just close without me realizing it until I wake up refreshed again. I just hope its before the sun comes up (4:41 am) and I slept sooo good last night too! Probably cause i was worn out from the send off and saying goodbye. Well I am going to go try to sleep. By the way, has it been 18 months yet?

Until Next Time--

2005-08-19T04:21:00.000-07:00

Just dropped him off at the armory and it was tougher than expected but what can you do?!?! I am leaving today at 2 with his family to head up to Volk Field for the big send-off. Then I come home to an empty apartment filled with memories to get me through the next year and a half. I guess I don't really know what else to say right now. I'm kind of at a loss for words but I felt it necessary to write. Saying goodbye today was hard and I know I will see him in the morning so I can't even imagine what tomorrow is going to be like. I miss him already and feel like there is so much more needed to be done before he left.....Guess its too late now. And the other day he got me a really nice ring, well he ordered it a while back and it finally came. Just a reminder of us...its two inter locking hearts with each of our birthstones in them and then our names engraved on the sides. Its nice and it came at the right time....Now he just needs to hurry home!!!! Enough of me for now....

Until Next Time--

2005-08-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

So today was his first day of active duty...Last night we barely got any sleep and he had to report at 6am this morning. At midnight last night he couldn't sleep so we went for a drive. It was nice to spend that time together...I'm sure going to miss it. Currently it is 9:53pm and he is sound asleep on the couch....I need to wake him at 5am and I get to wake up with him and take him to the armory by 6 because we parked his car at his parents tonight until he comes home. . . Its so real now... Last night he was even saying it feels like he still has another 2 weeks left until he leaves. . . It doesn't feel like it is here already. Wow! I can't believe it!

Tomorrow is the local sendoff for his unit and its right down the street from my apartment and then we are going out to dinner with his family and then stopping by my parents for him to say goodbye.... I want to cry and feel like I should be crying but I can't. It's so strange and I don't get it but I have a feeling once I am home by myself for a night or two, the tears will start to come and no one will be here to comfort me. I'm not looking forward to that.

Hmmm....On another note, to fill up my gas tank (which Dan did for me) cost 46.25 today. Ouch!!! Thats a lot of money...TOO EXPENSIVE! I'm telling you, I'd start riding my bike everywhere if I wasn't so damn lazy. LOL!!! And on another good note, I suggested a sticker to "Internetbumperstickers.com" and they accepted it and wrote me a very nice letter saying God bless to my soldier, his unit, and all the other troops overseas. It made my day......

Until Next Time!

I Thought I'd add in the bumper sticker:

2005-08-16T19:44:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't written much lately. With Dan leaving in a few days we've been spending a lot of time together adn taking a lot of time to just get things done. . . I will post morew when I have the time in a few days!

2005-08-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

Well I just wanted to make a post that I am never swimming in the beach down the street from my parents house in Carol Beach. It is a gorgeous but small beach in their subdivision in Pleasant Prairie, WI but I think I will take to sitting on the beach and enjoying the scenary and I will skip taking a dip.

Why?

Well it seems whenever something happens and a person ends up 'missing at sea' they wind up washing a shore at no other than Carol Beach. And when we used to vacation in SW Michigan, we used to go to the Warren Dunes and one summer the currents were strong therefore bodies kept getting taken out in the lake and washed back up. I know it is gross and that it is not something I would normally talk about on here but hey, its true. And I needed to get it down somewhere to remind me to not go swimming in that beach. I think from now on when people do go missing on the lake, they should just set up camp at the beach and wait. I ve never heard or read anything about the beach being dangerous, have some sort of current, being shallow so I wonder why it always seems they end up on this tiny beach in my parents neighborhood. Anyways Im going to go get some things done around here I hope. Im putting together Dans address book for him so it is readable!!! LOL!

---
Until Next Time

2005-08-10T01:47:00.000-07:00

I am so bored and don't feel like sleeping even though it is 3:22AM so I figure -- Hey why not do a survey-- and lucky you, you get to read it! That is if you want too.

THIS OR THAT

:: Ben or Matt: Matt
:: Orlando or Johnny: Johnny
:: Spice Girls or Dream: Spice Girls
:: Pepsi or Coke: Sprite
:: Blonde or Brunette: Brunette
:: Blue eyes or Brown eyes: Brown
:: Vanilla or Chocolate: Vanilla
:: Dogs or Cats: Dogs
:: Christina or Britney: Christina
:: Lip-stick or Lip-gloss: Lip-Gloss
:: Rock or Rap: Rock
:: Prep or Punk: Prep
:: Pink or Purple: Purple
:: Local place or Starbucks: Starbucks
:: Tv or Computer: Computer
:: CDs or Radio: CDs
:: Spanish or French: Spanish
:: Brad Pitt or Mel Gibson: Pitt (12 Monkeys?!?! He plays a great psycho)
:: Basketball or Baseball: Baseball.
:: Apples or Oranges: Apples
:: 1/2 Full or 1/2 Empty: Half Full
:: Morning or Night: Morning
:: Chicken or Turkey: Chicken
:: Salmon or Tuna: Tuna
:: Poser or Poseur: Poser
:: Freedom or Stability: Stability
:: Cheese It or Cheese Nips: Cheese it
:: Birds or Bees: Bees
:: Rollercoasters or Waterrides: Water Rides
:: AOL or AIM: AIM
:: Drugs or Liquor: Mikes
:: Gold or Silver: Silver
:: Nike or Adidas: Birks
:: 80s or 90s: 90s
:: Preschool or Kindergarden: PreSchool
:: Cubed or Crushed: No ice
:: VH1 or MTV: CMT
:: Truth or Dare: Truth
:: Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings: Never seen or read either
:: Pen or Pencil: Pencil
:: Peppermint or Wintergreen: Peppermint.
:: East Coast or West Coast: East coast
:: North or South: North
:: Pedicure or Manicure: Pedicure
:: Target or Kmart: Target
:: Top or Bottom: Bottom
:: Hug or Kiss: Hug and Kiss
:: Sporks or Foons: Spork
:: Cubs or Sox: I Believe! Next Year is here (well it will be next year)! <-- Those who are lost, CUBS!!
:: Cake or Pie: Cake
:: Rain or Snow: First Snowfall
:: Fall or Spring: Fall
:: Winter or Summer: Winter
:: Swim or Float: Swim
:: Walk or Run: Walk
:: Beach or Mountains: Depends on the season
:: City or Suburbs: Country
:: Love or Lust: Love
:: Carmel or Car-a-mel: Carmel
:: Stars or Moons: Stars
:: N*sync or BSB: Back Street
:: Car or Truck: Jeep Girl
:: 7th Heaven or Everwood: Everwood
:: VHS or DVD: DVD
:: Skip-it or Hopscotch: Skip-It <--Still got mine and it still works (counter too)
:: Fish or Birds: Fish
:: Shoes or Sandals: Sandals
:: Cough or Sneeze: Sneeze
:: Bath or Shower: Bath
:: Stairs or Evevator: Stairs
:: Yes or No: Yes
:: Jelly-filled or Cream-filled: Cream
:: Loud or Soft: Soft
:: Sister or Brother: Brother
:: Michael Jordan or Dennis Rodman: Dennis Rodman
:: Nick or Disney: Disney
:: Fun or Boring: Boring
:: Ohio or Pennsylvania: PA
::New York or California: So Cal

So Insightful huh?!?! I Think now it is about that time to fall asleep,while the man is finally quiet!! Hes been sooooooooo loud!!! But guaranteed by the time I hit 'submit' he will be roaring again...I don't know how his buddies are gonna deal with it at night!! Im serious I told him to make sure no one tries to kill smother him during the night (its REALLY bad sometimes)! As much as it sucks having to wear ear plugs (even though I sleep better w/them)-- and he is going to annoy his fellow soldiers to no end-- I am gonna miss telling him to 'shhh' about 50 times during the night....Im going to be listening for him for a while. Im thinking that may be one of the hardest things to get used too. . .

So this was supposed to be a fun/ boredem buster post but it turned into a little bit of a 'poor samm' post instead. Oh well. . . Thats what this journals here for anyways! Goodnight!

---
Until Next Time!

2005-08-08T19:15:00.000-07:00

Not much to say for today. Im happy because at work I finally am in a department I enjoy and actually know about so now once Dan leaves and I start working some more hours, it won't be such a drag.

Yesterday at the going away party, we had a good time. Pretty good turnout too (it surprised Dan that so many showed). Our parents met for the first time and it worked perfect. Dan finally got to drive my dads challenger (hes been itcing too). He has driven the other cars but not the challenger and he was grinning from ear to ear. I wish I would of gotten some pics but I do have some from the other cars so maybe I will post them in a later entry. Me, his sister, and him all went for a ride...maybe next time he will hit the gas a little more .LOL! It took him a couple trips out in the Torino until he finally chirped the tires and picked up the speed. . . Gotta love the muscle power but you can't be afraid to give it juice...Isn't it supposed to be us women who are apprehensive about putting the pedal to the metal??? PLEASE! LOL.

Well I am gonna go find something productive to do. I think we are going to the state fair tomorrow. Yeay. I have never been to a state fair, anywhere, before. Well I guess thats all for the day today.....

Until Next Time!!!

2005-08-06T11:32:00.000-07:00

So Im not really updating my XANGA because I honestly have so much I could say and I just have no idea where to start. Plus everything I have to say is pretty boring. But since there are actually people out there who want to read whats going on I feel like I gotta post something -- I know I read other peoples XANGAs and sometimes get frustrated seeing the same entry over and over again for weeks on end !! So a quick and short update I shall post...

Well tomorrow is Dan's 'safe return' going away party. It should be fun. We did dinner the other night with some of the people he's known from the PD and stuff the other night. It was a good time. He made a comment that it is kinda sad that this good time was being had because he was leaving...How do you respond to that?!?! I just told him to remember it and look at the support he has back at home and also that when he gets home, we will all get together again and have a good time because he's back in good ole k-town with everyone who was here waiting and praying for his safe return (Cause we will be). The only thing that sucks with all these 'going away parties' is that its making both of us realize that the date is coming closer.

All theses dates have been set for a while and when I wrote them in my planner, they seemed so far away...no the paperclip is on their pages and I don't like it....Ok Im not going into all this right now cause I won't stop...

In other news. . . my old bestfriend from Junior High and parts of HS emailed me the other day. I'm convinvcend it is a miricale. No joke I have been wanting to talk to her cuz I miss hanging out and talking to her (haven't really had a good friend, except for boys, since her). Plus with everything going on, I need someone else to talk to and there it was an email in my inbox. I was flipping out. Since I moved last year and ecspecially in teh last few months I have been looking all over the internet for anything on her (school stuff, email, address, phone number, etc.) and I couldn't find a single thing. I came up to the new house before my parents cuz I had to wait for the 'cable guy' and she had come by to say bye and give me her cell phone cause she heard we were moving...Well when my mom gave it to me later that day, I Don't know where it went. It felt good knowing someone cared enough to come say good bye. . . And I am kicking myself in the ass because I am usually a pretty smart girl and can figure things out but when I saw her email I felt like a moron. It was simply her first name and her last name @ yahoo. DUH! I guess I think to hard and miss the obvious sometimes. . . Well hopefully we will get together soon... Shes moving out of state in February but its good to of gotten in touch with someone I can know and can talk to about everything at a time when I need it most.

See I told you I have too much to write because to tell you the truth, I haven't even scratched the surface yet! Dan laughs at me cause when I write letters he says I don't write letters I write novels. . . hes right, I can just keep going and going and going!!!

Just know now. . .You have been fore warned! I have lots to say and lots of time to say it (even more in a few weeks, uh oh, XANGA may kick me off for taking up too much space. LOL)!

Until Next Time!!

2005-08-01T14:02:00.000-07:00

So I decided to write today because I'm kinda down. It's August 1st. . . We are now in the month that he will be leaving and as the date creeps closer and closer, the situation is becoming more and more real every second. I keep waking up in the morning after he leaves for work looking for him. It's kinda sad and I hope it doesn't get any worse when he actually is gone. Also today is 7 months for me and him and it is the last 'anniversary' we will get to spend with eachother for 18 months. Wow! Its going to be a LONG HAUL but I am hoping that we will become stronger as a couple and I am starting to feel that this won't be as hard as I was expecting it to be b/c I have had the chance to prepare myself....

Who am I kidding??

It's going to be tough....But I know I can do it and regardless if I feel I can or I can't I AM going to get through it and be here waiting for him when he comes home.

2005-07-30T14:31:00.000-07:00

I'll write more at somepoint in the near futre cause I don't have a ton of time right now. Once my soldier leaves for deployment to the sandbox, I will have too much time and lots going on in my mind that I will be sure to share (most of it)! Until then, I am enjoying all the time I have left with my bofriend....trying to soak up every moment the best I can!!!